Adult Chris: [v.o.] With at least 100,000 people living in Bed-Stuy, selling 28 boxes of cookies couldn't be that hard.
[Chris knocks on the door of an apartment and finds a middle-aged White man climbing out the window:]
Chris: Hello?
Man: She said she was 18!
[After Chris knocks on another door, a gaunt man in a bath robe grabs a box of cookies and closes the door without saying a word]
Chris: Hey!
[When Chris knocks on another door, a girl scout answers holding the same box of cookies.]
Both: Would you like to buy...
Chris: Never mind.
[When Chris knocks on another door, a heavy-set man answers:]
Chris: Would you like to buy some cookies?
Man: I'll take four.
Woman: What are you doing?! He has diabetes. You trying to kill him?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I can't believe it's harder selling cookies than crack.

Julius: I'm sorry.
Rochelle: Oh, no, Julius, it's okay. We'll just spend another anniversary at home. At least we'll be together.
Julius: You know what? These tickets are expensive. There's no reason why both of us should sit at home. I'll watch the kids. You go.
Rochelle: Okay.
[Rochelle rushes out of the living room]
Adult Chris: [v.o.] If she had a ball, she could have played for the Jets.
Rochelle: [on the phone] Sheila! We're going to see Dreamgirls! That's right.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Women never catch you in a lie when you want them to.
Rochelle: Okay. [sings] And I am telling you I'm not going You're the best man I've ever known And there's no way I could ever, ever go Darling, there's no way No [coughing] I'm living without ya I'm not living without ya Not living without ya I don't want to be Free I'm staying I'm staying And you, you, you You're gonna love me Jennifer, I'm coming!

Chris: Hey, Risky, you want to buy a box of cookies?
Risky: Hey, youngblood, I don't buy, I sell. You want to buy a VCR?
Chris: No, thanks.
Risky: Hey. You need a VCR?
Man: I got one already.
Risky: Fell off the truck this morning.
Man: Really? I'll take two.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I never realized the only stuff that sold on the street in my neighborhood was stolen stuff.

Adult Chris: [v.o.] All I knew about getting arrested was what I saw on TV. They read you your rights...
[clip from Dragnet:]
Sgt. Joe Friday: You have the right to remain silent.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] and you get a phone call...
[clip from Hackers:]
Police Officer: You get one call.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] ...and the food is horrible.
[clip from Stir Crazy:]
Harry Monroe: Thanks.

Adult Chris: [v.o.] What I found out was that the worst part of getting arrested is being treated like a criminal.
Chris: Excuse me, can I use the bathroom?
Desk Sergeant: Should have thought about using the bathroom before you started selling stolen goods.
Chris: I wasn't selling stolen goods.
Desk Sergeant: Then we must have got the wrong guy.
Chris: Don't I get, like, a phone call?
Desk Sergeant: Should have thought about making a phone call before you started selling stolen goods.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I know I looked cool on the outside, but on the inside, I was doing this...
[fantasy: Chris is sobbing:]
Chris: I won't do it anymore, I promise! I'm not a thief! I want my mama!
Adult Chris: [v.o.] All I was thinking was one way or another, I wish they'd let me go. Back at home, my father was thinking the same thing.

Russo: Come on, I need to put you in a lineup.
Chris: A lineup?
Russo: Yeah, apparently a delivery truck carrying cookies was hijacked in East Bergen the other day.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I know you're probably thinking who would hold up a cookie truck?
[flashback:]
Gunman: Don't move! Don't move! All we want are your cookies! Think I'm playing? Now, go!
Girl Scout #1: I'm not doin' time for this.
Girl Scout #2: Move! Go!
[reality:]
Chris: I didn't hijack a truck. I don't even know where East Bergen is.
Russo: Should have thought of that before you started selling stolen cookies.

Police Officer: [over speaker] Face forward. Number two, stand still!
Adult Chris: [v.o.] That looks like the cover of the last Commodores album.

Adult Chris: [v.o.] Usually, my father wanted my mother to be happy. But this was the one time he was secretly hoping that the tickets that Risky gave him were horrible as usual.
Rochelle and Sheila: [sing] And you, and you, and you You're gonna love me
Rochelle: Oh, my God! These seats are great!
Sheila: I know! Oh, God, I hate to say it, but I'm glad your kids got the chicken pox. Oh! Happy anniversary.
Rochelle: Oh, thank you, Sheila. [both scream]
Rochelle: We love you! Yeah, girl. Don't go! You stay!
Sheila: You better go, girl! I'm staying!

Drew: So, uh, when's mom coming home?
Julius: It'll be a while. She's using my coupon to take Sheila to dinner, too.
Drew: How come she's going out with somebody else on your anniversary?
Julius: Well, I told her to go.
Drew: Why'd you do that?
Julius: Because I want your mother to be happy.
Drew: Oh. Well, if I had to stay at home and be with sick people while somebody else was out having fun, I'd be mad.
Julius: Well, I'm not mad.
Drew: I would be. I'd be sad, too. Be kind of depressed because she left me.
Julius: Yeah...
Drew: I'd be crying and everything. Man, I'd be so upset.
Julius: You know, let's get your temperature.
Drew: I don't see how you hold it in.
Julius: Here you go. Sit tight, don't move. I'll be back.

Police Officer: Hey, Russo, the kid's story checks out.
Russo: Looks like you were telling the truth. Your teacher confirmed your story.
Chris: Thank you.
Police Officer: Oh, yeah. She also said to tell you you're a credit to your race.
Chris: Can I leave now?
Russo: Sure. Soon as your parents come get you.
Chris: My parents? Can't you just let me go? I can't tell my mom I got arrested.
Russo: Should have thought of that before you started telling people you were selling stolen goods.