Drew: We're here.
Chris: Yippie.
Drew: This doesn't look like Long Island.
Chris: It's not. This is Coney Island.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] If this was Survivor, I would vote Drew off the island.

Chris: I can't believe you got on the wrong bus.
Drew: You got on it, too.
Chris: I was just following you, stupid. Don't you know the difference between Coney Island and Long Island?!
Drew: Yeah, Long Island is the shape of your head.

White Guy #1: Don't you guys got enough sports?
White Guy #2: Hmm?
White Guy #1: Basketball, football...
White Guy #2: Baseball, boxing, track and field.
White Guy #1: You gotta take hockey, too, huh?
Chris: Whoa. Hold on now. We ain't trying to take hockey.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] But we could.
Chris: All right. So why don't you just leave us alone?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Translation: Please pick on us some more.

Adult Chris: [v.o.] As soon as we got to the Long Island Hotel, something told me we had the right place.
Drew: Are all these people here to see Gretzky?
Chris: Yeah, and if we go over there, we won't have a chance of meeting him.
Drew: So what do we do? [women shrieking]
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I look more like Wayne Gretzky than that dude.
Chris: Come on. I know what to do.

Chris: Excuse me. I have a delivery for Mr. Wayne Gretzky.
Black Bodyguard: He didn't order a pizza. Do I look like I was born yesterday?
Drew: But it is his room?
Black Bodyguard: Get lost, kids.
Chris: Sir, I don't think you understand. My brother is a really big hockey fan, and we skipped school just to see Mr. Gretzky.
Black Bodyguard: Look, I can't help you.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Yeah, you could.
Black Bodyguard: ...so please leave now.
Drew: Come on, Chris.

Black Bodyguard: Here you go.
Chris: Did Gretzky play with this puck last night?
Black Bodyguard: No, it's just a puck. So, how are you guys getting home?
Drew: Taking the train.
Black Bodyguard: You guys ever been in a limo before?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] What do you think?

Drew: So he's not here?
Clerk: Sorry. Try one of the other hotels on Long Island.
Chris: How many other hotels are there?
Clerk: I don't know. About a thousand.
Chris: A thousand?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Cheer up. Only 999 more to go.