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Everybody Hates Gambling

‘Everybody Hates Gambling’

Season 2, Episode 19 -  Aired April 23, 2007

Chris becomes the neighborhood's favorite odds-maker after talking Doc which team he thought would win. Meanwhile, Tonya tries to beat Drew at a game of checkers.

Quote from Tonya

Tonya: Uh, Daddy.
Julius: Hmm?
Tonya: Can I borrow three dollars?
Julius: Borrow?
Tonya: Okay, "have."

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Quote from Rochelle

Rochelle: Can I help you?
Paulie: Yeah. I'm looking for Chrissy the Black.
Rochelle: Chrissy the what?
Paulie: The Black.
Rochelle: Chrissy the Black.
Paulie: Yeah.
Rochelle: Who are you?
Paulie: Who are you?
Rochelle: You don't ask me who I am; you're knocking on my door.
Paulie: You got a point.

Quote from Rochelle

Paulie: I'm Paulie the Bookie.
Rochelle: Paulie the what?
Paulie: The Bookie.
Rochelle: Shecky the Bookie told me I can find Chrissy the Black here.
Rochelle: Chrissy the Black?
Paulie: Yeah.
Rochelle: You mean Chris?
Paulie: Whatever. Who am I talking to?
Rochelle: Rochelley the Mom.
Paulie: Oh, the Mom. Oh. I thought you were his old lady.
Rochelle: Who are you calling old?
Paulie: I didn't mean it like that.

Quote from Rochelle

Rochelle: Look, what business do you have with Chris?
Paulie: There's a lot of action on the Phoenix game tonight, and your boy, he's on a hot streak. Shecky's got good action coming on the over and under, and I was hoping maybe if I can a heads-up on the spread.
Rochelle: Look here, Shecky...
Paulie: It's Paulie.
Rochelle: Paulie.
Paulie: Yeah.
Rochelle: I don't know what you're talking about, but I'm done talking about it. [goes to close the door]
Paulie: Look, lady. It would be a lot easier if I talk to Chrissy about this.
Rochelle: I'm about to close this door, and I suggest that your hand not be between it and the wall when I do. And as for Chris, I hope you find him before I do, because his hot streak is about to be over. Understand, Shecky? [closes door]
Paulie: [o.s.] It's Paulie.
Rochelle: Whatever.

Quote from Tonya

Jim Lampley: Hello, everybody, I'm Jim Lampley. Today, we're in Bed-Stuy for the World Checkers Championship, a showdown between Tonya and Drew. In the past, Drew has routinely schooled Tonya at checkers, but today, Tonya is tremendously motivated, because three dollars are on the line. The money's on the table. Let's go to the action. [round bell dings] Tonya is the first to move, making the play for Drew's front pieces. [crowd cheering] That looks like it could have been a setup by Tonya. Drew is gonna have to pay for that move. Oh, there's a tremendous move by Drew. Here comes Tonya again. All you can say to that move is, "King me." Tonya's on the defensive again. That could be part of her plan. And look at that! A double jump. Drew never saw it coming. Drew is holding on, but there's every chance today... he's going to get beaten by a girl. Ah. There's another amazing move by Tonya. She's really got Drew on the ropes now. One jump, two jumps... what a move. That's unbelievable. Can Tonya come back now? Whoa! The impossible has happened. Tonya jumps all of Drew's remaining checkers all at once. [bell dings] Tonya has won the game.
[audience cheering wildly]
Tonya: I won! I won! [singsongy:] You lost. I won. You lost. Now, give me my three dollars.
Drew: You cheated.
Tonya: Did not.
Drew: Did too.
Tonya: No, I didn't.
Rochelle: What is going on in here? You two are screaming like you don't have a mother.
Jim Lampley: A dispute has broken out, and under the rules of the championships, Mom is here to settle it.
Drew: Tonya cheated.
Tonya: No, I didn't. I beat Drew in checkers, and now he owes me three dollars.
Rochelle: And you're gambling, too?! You ain't gonna be happy until somebody comes over here and breaks every knuckle in this family.
Jim Lampley: So Tonya over Drew in a checkers match to remember right here at the Palace in Bed-Stuy. I'm Jim Lampley. Good night.

Quote from Adult Chris

Rochelle: How much did you bet?
Julius: Fifty.
Chris: Fifty dollars?!
Rochelle: What happened to putting nothing down but on bills? Huh?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Can't double your money on the light bill.

Quote from Doc

Adult Chris: [v.o.] It's amazing how fast bad news travels.
Chris: [on the phone] Hey, Doc, it's Chris.
Doc: What?!
[montage of Doc making phone calls:]
Doc: Danny, Lakers over Phoenix. Pull your bet.
Doc: Julio, Lakers over Phoenix-- pull your bet.
Doc: Harry, no bet. Don't bet the Lakers.
Doc: Perez, pull your bet.
Doc: Bobby...
Doc: Hey, man, pull your bet.
Doc: Did you do it?
Doc: Tell him to pull his bet.
Doc: Pull your bet, man.
Doc: Reverend, yes. Pull your bet. Yeah. God bless you, too.

Quote from Adult Chris

Adult Chris: [v.o.] In my neighborhood, people didn't make a lot of money, so in order to make ends meet, people would gamble.
Young Woman: And you know what? I bet you a dollar you can't figure out which baby is yours.
Young Man: All right.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I can't tell. Just about everybody played the lottery...
Man: We won!
Woman: We won?! I won. Get your ass out of my house!
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Even people who told other people not to gamble, gambled.
Preacher: Let me tell you this gambling is a sin! With a capital P... [later:] Bingo! Praise the Lord.

Quote from Kill Moves

Adult Chris: [v.o.] People would gamble on anything.
Vanessa: I'll bet you a dollar you can't guess how many cans of tuna I got in here.
Jerome: Twelve.
Vanessa: Damn!
[elsewhere:]
Kill Moves: [with an empty hand] I bet you can't guess how many apples I got in my hand.
Boy: Five.
Kill Moves: Damn! [hands over money]

Quote from Chris

Adult Chris: [v.o.] The one thing everybody bet on was sports.
Doc: Whoo!
Chris: What?
Doc: I'm about to make some money, that's what. I gotthe Bulls over the Bucks.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I didn't gamble, but I knew a bad bet when I saw it.
Chris: The Bulls can't beat the Bucks. I mean, yeah, they have Jordan but Don Nelson can coach circles around Kevin Loughery.
Doc: The Bucks over the Bulls? You're crazy!
Chris: Wanna bet?

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