Adult Chris: [v.o.] Getting suspended from school was hard, but figuring out what I was going to do with my day was harder.
Greg: Hey, man, what are you doing here?
Chris: I had nowhere else to go.
Greg: You're not still mad at me, are you?
Chris: Yeah, actually, I am. You ratted me out.
Greg: I'm torn about it, man. Please, don't make me feel any worse than I already am.
Chris: Why did you cave so fast?
Greg: My therapist says I'm bad under pressure. I'm just not cool.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] No kidding.
Chris: Forget about it. It's all right.

Adult Chris: [v.o.] I might not smoke, but right now I'm on fire.

James: Oh, got one coming at 2:00.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] In barbershops across America somebody's always on the lookout for women. No matter how they look.
Manny: Oh, man.
Risky: Look at that outfit. Man, she looks a fool.
James: I wished my mama looked like that. I'd never leave the house.
Manny: Here she come across that street. Come on, come on, get a little closer, baby. Uh-uh-uh! That is a Cadillac walk right there.
Risky: Honky Cadillac.

Rochelle: Hey, baby, I was just wondering what you wanted for dinner tonight?
Julius: Rochelle...
Rochelle: I guess I'm interrupting something. You know what? I'll just make you roast beef. [kisses Julius] Bye, boys. [exits]
James: [to Julius] Man, you got problems.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] You got that right.

Julius: Do you know how embarrassed I was when you walked in there in that outfit?
Rochelle: I don't see why. That was a perfectly good pair of hot-pink fishnet stockings. I don't see any sane reason not to wear them.
Julius: Okay, you win. I'll get rid of the coat.
Rochelle: You sure? Now, I don't want to twist your arm. That's a good coat.
Julius: Baby, you look like you're about to ease on down the road. Yeah, I'm sure.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] When all else fails, quit.

Adult Chris: [v.o.] Sure, I could have not shown up, but then every time the cool guys saw me at school, they'd say, "Hey, there goes the guy that's not cool."

Adult Chris: [v.o.] I was out where the buses don't run. I had lost touch with the mothership. I was someplace where I didn't belong.

Cute Girl: I hate these things.
Drew: Yeah, I never want to see it again.
Cute Girl: Me neither.
Drew: So what kind of games do you like to play?
Cute Girl: I love Monopoly.
Drew: Really? Me, too.
Cute Girl: Maybe we can get together and play sometime.
Drew: Great. Can I have your number?
Cute Girl: I already wrote it down.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Even when Drew failed, he succeeded. Guys who do the Rubik's Cube end up with other guys who do the Rubik's Cube. Drew ended up with a girl.

Adult Chris: [v.o.] If you're wondering why my cool friends didn't come after me and kill me, it's because of what happened to them. Johnny Boy spent the rest of his life in prison. Trixie had a tragic pole accident. Vito lived a happy, successful life for the next four hours. Then he was gunned down by some other cool guys. It seems cool, like beauty, turned out to be in the eye of the beholder.
[elsewhere:]
FBI Agent: This task force will not sleep or be deterred until the gang's leader is apprehended. For the purpose of this case, we're calling him Mr. Cool, aka... Juicy Fruit.