Greg: Hey, man, did you get shot in the leg?
Chris: No, why?
Greg: 'Cause you're walking like it hurts.
Chris: I'm just trying to be cool.
Greg: It's not working.
Chris: It's not working? Look at you. You look like a powder blue Dean Martin.
Greg: Technically, I look like a powder blue Joey Bishop.

Jerome: Nah, nah, that's... that's not it at all. All right, look, we definitely gonna have to pull out the big guns on this. Now, the coolest boy in the world right now is LL Cool J.
Chris: And you think you can make me look like him?
Jerome: Let's find out.

Julius: Baby, it's a good coat.
Rochelle: Do you remember who gave you this coat?
Julius: I think it was Janet.
Rochelle: You're damn right! So when you told me that you were gonna get rid of it, that means you were lying, so now you're a liar?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Yes.
Julius: You're acting like you pulled Janet out of the closet. What difference does it make? It's a coat, not a woman. Damn!
Rochelle: So you're telling me you're going to keep the coat, even though I'm telling you I don't want you to keep it?
Julius: Yeah. I see no sane reason to get rid of it, so I'm keeping it.
Rochelle: Okay, fine. Keep the coat, Julius. I hope it keeps you warm.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Takes a brave man to choose a coat over a woman. A brave stupid man.

Adult Chris: [v.o.] My brother Drew was so cool, he could do anything. But in the spring of '86, that changed.
Einstein: Here, take this thing away from me.
Drew: What's this?
Einstein: It's evil.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] The Rubik's Cube. The most diabolical puzzle ever invented. It caused nervous breakdowns, divorces and suicides because it was almost impossible to solve.
Drew: This looks easy.

Ms. Morello: Well, I'm sorry, Chris, but you're suspended.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] When my parents found out, I was finally going to be cool. Cool as a corpse.

Julius: What'd you do at school today, Chris?
Chris: Oh, you know, same old, same old.
Tonya: My day was great. We're learning time tables. Today we did fives. Five times one is five, and five times two is ten, and five times three is fifteen.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] And five times four is a brick upside your head.

Adult Chris: [v.o.] Who knew to solve the Rufus Cube, you either had to have the mind of a genius or the liver of Lindsey Lohan.

Jerome: Not bad. Not bad at all.
Pretty Girl: Hey, Chris.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] It's working already?!
Pretty Girl: Let me hold a dollar.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Here's my self-respect, too. Keep the change.
Jerome: Well, got to go, little dude from across the street. Stay cool.

Chris: Whatever. We need to change our images. I don't know about you, but I'm tired of being at the bottom of the totem pole.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] A powder blue totem pole.
Greg: That's true.
Chris: I want to be like them. Tell me why they don't go to school and they don't work, but they have great cars and great girls?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Because they're criminals.
Greg: Those are the kids from the arcade. We can't be like them. I mean, those kids have either been suspended, expelled or dropped out of school.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] When you're old, that makes you a loser, but when you're young, it gives the illusion of cool.

Man: Hey, kid, you got a cigarette?
Chris: No, but I got some gum.
Man: Forget it. [drives off]
Chris: It's spearmint.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] And sugar-free.
Greg: I don't think he's listening.
Chris: Well, we learned one thing. Cool guys have cigarettes.