‘Everybody Hates Bad Boys’
Season 3, Episode 12 - Aired March 9, 2008
Chris wants to move out of the friend zone with Tasha so he tries acting like a bad boy. Meanwhile, Julius wins a free dinner at a fancy French restaurant.
Quote from Doc
Doc: Chris, I hear your father got Employee of the Month down at the paper.
Chris: Yeah.
Doc: They still giving out their free dinners?
Chris: Uh-huh.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Subtlety was not Doc's strong suit.
Doc: Uh, that's usually for six people, right?
Chris: Uh-huh, I'm thinking about asking Tasha to go.
Doc: Oh, Tasha.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] 'Cause she looks better in a dress.
Quote from Doc
Chris: See, that's what I don't get. I don't understand why girls like you to treat them bad.
Doc: Chris, women are crazy. They think just because they get a bad boy, they'll be so special that they'll be the only ones to make him treat a girl nice. It's just like trying to climb Mount Everest. Every now and then, somebody does it, but they usually end up in a snow cave, chewing on their own leg.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Analogies were not Doc's strong suit either.
Chris: Are we still talking about girls?
Doc: Chris, all I'm trying to say is Slaver Slav figured it out. If you want a girl to go crazy over you, be like Mount Everest. Be difficult.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Try to get to her to eat her own leg off.
Doc: And whatever you do, don't be nice.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] And again I say there's a reason why Doc lives alone.
Quote from Jerome
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I thought that was bad. Then I found out I wasn't the only guy that didn't know anything about women.
Jerome: Girls like it when you give them compliments. Hey, baby, I'm no Fred Flintstone, but I can make your Bedrock.
Woman: Shut up, idiot.
Jerome: I wasn't even talking to her.
Quote from Chris
Adult Chris: [v.o.] After months of being around Tasha, we had become really good friends.
Tasha: "Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go"?
Chris: What does that even mean?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] The problem was: I didn't want to be just a friend. I wanted to get out of the friend zone and into the lover zone, and the only way was to swing for the fences.
Chris: Can I ask you a question?
Tasha: Yeah.
Chris: Will you go with me?
Tasha: Go where?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Strike one.
Chris: No, I mean, like, go together.
Tasha: We are together.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Strike two!
Chris: No, I mean, like, you and me go out.
Tasha: What?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Strike three and you're out!
Tasha: Boy, you so crazy.
Chris: [scoffing] Yeah, I'm so crazy.
Tasha: Are you about to go home?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Yeah, to cry.
Chris: Yeah, I guess.
Quote from Chris
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Since the direct approach didn't work, I wondered what would. I thought about being romantic.
[fantasy: Chris stands outside Tasha's window with a funeral wreath:]
Tasha: Chris, what are you doing?
Chris: These are for you.
Tasha: Boy, you're so crazy.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I thought about being chivalrous.
[fantasy: Chris puts his jacket over a puddle as he and Tasha walk together:]
Chris: Allow me.
Tasha: Boy, you so crazy.
Rochelle: Boy, is that your good jacket?
Chris: No.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I even thought about being brave.
[fantasy: Chris confronts a group of men who are eyeing Tasha:]
Chris: Hey... why don't y'all leave her alone?
[later:]
Chris: [running] Oh, God!
Tasha: Boy, you so crazy!
Quote from Chris
Chris: Don't you just hate doing laundry?
Tasha: Yeah.
Chris: But, you know, I guess it'd be kind of cool if you had a boyfriend to do it for you.
Tasha: No. What kind of man does a woman's laundry?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Strike one!
Chris: Yeah, no, that wouldn't be cool. I-I wouldn't do that. I'd be like, "Woman, you better do my laundry."
Tasha: And I guess you want her barefoot and pregnant, too, huh?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Strike two!
Chris: Nah. I was just kidding.
Quote from Adult Chris
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Trying to take a free meal away from my uncle Michael was like trying to take a bone away from a pit bull.
Quote from Michael
Michael: Let me get this straight. You want me to give up a free dinner for a girl?
Chris: Michael, please. I already invited her. I've been trying to get with her for I don't know how long. If I blow this, probably won't get another chance.
Michael: I don't know. What do I get out of it?
Chris: What do you want?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] The one thing my uncle loved more than a free meal was a bunch of free meals. All it took was a shrimp basket...
Michael: What's up?
Chris: What's up?
Michael: [eats] Mmm! Later.
Chris: Later.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] ...and a slopper.
Michael: Hmm. What's up?
Chris: What's up?
Michael: Mmm. Later.
Chris: Later.
Quote from Julius
Rochelle: Oh, well, I don't know who else to invite.
Chris: How about Tasha?
All: Tasha?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Do I have to buy everybody shrimp and sloppers?
Rochelle: Is that okay with you, baby?
Julius: Sounds like a good idea.
Rochelle: Oh, good.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Translation: she eats like a White girl.
Quote from Adult Chris
Maitre'D : Good evening, sir. May I help you?
Julius: Yes. We have a reservation for six. Um, it was made by the newspaper. I'm the Employee of the Month.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] That look means, "Oh, great, poor people."
Maitre'D : Employee of the Month, party of six. I don't have anything available right now, but if you have a seat, I'll be right with you.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Never trust a Black man who speaks French.
Mr. Banks: Hi. Banks party for six, 8:00 p.m.?
Maitre'D : Bonsoir, Mr. Banks. Right this way.
Mr. Banks: Ah, good. Come on, gang.
Maitre'D : Oui, oui.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Oui, oui really means "White, White".
Maitre'D : Bon appetit!