Drew: Two dollars, thank you.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Meanwhile, Drew's window was attracting more perverts than Times Square.
Drew: Gracias.

Adult Chris: [v.o.] While I was making it clear that I didn't hit Greg, my family was getting ready to hit the road.
Tonya: When are we leaving?
Drew: We'll head for the beach as soon as Chris gets home.
Tonya: Can't we just leave him?
Julius: No.
Drew: Can you just leave me? I hate the sand. I don't know where it comes from, and it gets into places you can't get it out of.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Like broke cousins.

Drew: Can't nobody stand you 'cause you're a liar and you won't shut up.
Tonya: Shut don't go up, prices do, so take my advice and shut up, too.
Drew: You shut up, I grow up. Every time I see your face, I throw up.
Tonya: Shut up.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] The Junior Varsity Sugar Hill Gang.
Rochelle: Will both of you shut up? I swear.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] That doesn't rhyme.
Rochelle: Y'all couldn't be quiet if somebody paid you.
Tonya: I could.
Drew: No, you couldn't. You couldn't shut up to save your life.
Rochelle: Quiet! Here. Here's your allowance for this week. Okay? The next one that talks loses theirs. Winner gets it all.

Rochelle: What are you writing, Drew?
Drew: It's a list of things I can do on Amateur Night at The Apollo. I'm gonna try out.
Julius: Drew, that's a tough audience. You can't just go up there and do anything. They will boo you faster than Casper on Halloween.
Rochelle: Stevie Wonder could see before he did Amateur Night. They booed him blind.
Tonya: They booed Magic Johnson so bad, he gave up singing.
Drew: Magic Johnson is a basketball player.
Tonya: Now.
Drew: Well, they're not gonna boo me.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] That's what Roseanne said before she sang the national anthem.

Rochelle: Hey!
Tonya: Hi, Mom.
Drew: Oh, I love fried crusts.
Rochelle: Don't fill up on it.
Tonya: Where's Daddy?
Drew: In his skin. When he jumps out, you can jump in.

Chris: Do you even know where you're going?
Drew: Not really.
Chris: Got any money?
Drew: No.
Chris: What about school?
Drew: What about it?
Chris: Did you even think about Ma?
Drew: No.
Chris: She's gonna kill you when she finds out.
Drew: So?
Chris: That's if somebody else don't kill you first.
Drew: I don't care.
Chris: Drew, you can't do this.
Drew: See ya later.

Chris: Hi, um, we're looking for a guest of yours.
Clerk: Name?
Drew: Wayne Gretzky.
Clerk: Wayne Gretzky, the hockey player?
Chris: Yeah.
Clerk: He's not staying here.
Chris: Are you sure this is the right hotel?
Drew: Positive. At the end of Donahue, the announcer said, guests of the Donahue Show stay at the Long Island Wilmont Hotel.
Clerk: Not all guests. If your leg was bitten off by a shark, you have a terminal disease, or you're so fat you need a crane to be lifted out of your house, then you stay here. Athletes and celebrities stay somewhere else.

Chris: Mom, I heard they were hiring at Red Lobster.
Tonya: They're not hiring you.
Drew: I wonder how hungry people have to be to eat a lobster. Like, who looks at that and says, "Man, that looks good"?

Tonya: Even though I hate Chris, I still wish he would come back home. I don't want him to get stabbed or shot or turned out or hooked on drugs.
Rochelle: Your brother is not gonna get hooked on drugs.
Drew: Actually, he probably will. Runaways tend to fall into dangerous situations pretty quickly. And drugs and alcohol provide a sedative to the trauma and isolation.

Rochelle: Well, you won't have to do that, baby. You're going to college. You'll be able to do anything you want.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Like get out of high school?
Tonya: Am I going to college, too?
Drew: Yeah, you can be a professor of ugly-ocity.
Tonya: Shut up.