Chris: This is going to be bad.
Drew: Oh, yeah.
Chris: The worst part is, you didn't even get a chance to meet Gretzky.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Or Gritzky for that matter.
Drew: It's okay. It was still one of the best days of my life.
Chris: Why, 'cause you got the jersey?
Drew: No. Thanks for taking care of me, Chris. I'm glad you were there.
Chris: Me, too.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] The best part of hanging out with Drew that day was for the first time I didn't see him as my little brother I was responsible for. I saw him as something more: a friend.
Chris: Ready?
Drew: Ready.

Ryan: Here, take this tape as a bonus, too. It's the Hilly Hill mix. Those guys are new, they're not really selling.
Drew: "MC Hammer"? "Public Enemy"? "DJ Jazzy Jeff & the Fresh Prince"? I've never heard of these guys.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] You will.
Julius: You'd be better off erasing the tape and selling it blank.
Drew: Well, can I have the new Fat Boys album?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Go into Wal-Mart and ask that question now.
Ryan: Fine.
Drew: Cool. "Beastie Boys"?
Ryan: They're White.
Drew: White rappers? [laughs] I don't think so.

Drew: Xièxiè nǐ, māmā.
Rochelle: What?
Drew: It's "Thank you, Mom" in Chinese.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] When my brother got into something, he got into it. You know, he's getting Asian girls to this very day.

Drew: I told you not to put the coloreds in with the whites.
Chris: Mama's gonna kill me.
Drew: Hold on, think I could fix this. Excuse me, Miss.
Beautiful Woman: Yes?
Drew: My brother put the coloreds in with the whites and now everything's pink. Could you help us get the clothes back white again or my mother's gonna kill him?
Beautiful Woman: Aw, I'll be happy to.
Drew: Thank you.
Chris: How'd you do that?
Drew: I don't know.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] When Drew turned 18, that woman looked him up. Not to be her boyfriend, she just loved doing his laundry.

Julius: Drew. Have you seen, uh anything unusual around here lately?
Drew: Like what, a UFO?
Julius: Now, why would a UFO...? Never mind.

Risky: How about a wallet? Snakeskin wallet, too. Coral, rattler, I don't know, but it's from my Grandmama's backyard.
Drew: Yeah, I need a wallet to put my ten dollars in.
Risky: Yeah, there you go.
Drew: How much?
Risky: Ten dollars.
Drew: I'll take it.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] The Indians made a similar deal for Manhattan.

Rochelle: Hi, baby! Merry Christmas!
Chris: Hey, what are you guys doing here?
Tonya: It's Christmas, stupid.
Rochelle: Well, you didn't think we'd want to leave you here by yourself, did you? I didn't think you'd want to be here.
Drew: Without you, there would be no Christmas. It'd just be a "tmas."

Chris: Well, maybe Dad won't mind if I don't go to the game.
Drew: I think he's probably gonna be crushed. I mean, plus he got those tickets for free. It's a Saturday and he got a day off work. I mean, who knows when that's gonna happen again. This was gonna be one of the best days of his life. Now it's ruined. I'm glad some girl didn't ask me to go to the movies. I'm glad I'm not you. Oh, well. See you later.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Where's a flux capacitor when you need one?

Drew: Too bad you didn't get to see Back to the Future. You probably could have sat right next to Tasha.
Chris: I know.
Drew: And afterwards, you could have gone to the park, got some ice cream...
Julius: Yeah.
Drew: Probably chocolate, 'cause I know you like chocolate.
Chris: Yeah, I know.
Drew: It would've been one of the best days of your life, and now it's ruined. I'm sure glad I didn't miss the movie to see this game.
Chris & Julius: Okay!

Julius: Excuse me. Drew, what's eight times 12?
Drew: I don't know.
Julius: [blocks Ms. Crabtree from view with the American flag] How about now?
Drew: 96.
Julius: [lowers the flag] Who wrote the Declaration of Independence?
Drew: I don't know.
Julius: [lifts the flag] How about now?
Drew: Thomas Jefferson.
Julius: [lowers the flag] Drew, what's your name?
Drew: I don't know.
Julius: Look, if you're going to be an educator, buy some uglier clothes. Please. Come on.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Drew's grades improved after he transferred to the class of Miss Murphy, a 90-year-old lady with a mustache.