Adult Chris: [v.o.] In high school, you learned that the type of girl you are determines the type of guy you go out with. Nerdy girls hang out with nerdy guys, smart girls hang out with smart guys and dumb girls hang out with jocks. And then there are the girls that didn't hang out with anybody and the guys that made fun of them. We were those guys, and she was that girl.
Greg: Man, look at that. She looks like her family gave the baby back and kept the stork.
Chris: Her name is Kelly, but everybody calls her "Big Bird."
Joey Caruso: Hey, Big Bird.
Boy #1: Yo, Big Bird.
Boy #2: What's up, Big Bird? [they laugh]
Greg: I wonder what'd have to go wrong for you to end up with a girl like that?
Chris: It's like being on The Planet of The Apes, and all the apes said, "No."