Best ‘Derry Girls’ Quotes Page 1 of 25

Quote from Ma Mary in The Concert

News Presenter: [on TV] Despite John Hume's optimism earlier today, the DUP leader, Ian Paisley, has said that under no circumstances will his party sit at the same table as Sinn Fein, making all party talks impossible.
Mary: I can't take it any more. All these false promises. Waiting week after week, hoping today might be the day, only to be disappointed.
Gerry: Don't upset yourself, love. It's just a wheelie bin.
Mary: It'll change my life, Gerry. And Strabane's had them for months. I mean, what's going on there? Who's pulling the strings for Strabane?

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Quote from Orla in Across the Barricade

Orla: Ooh! Protestants like to march and Catholics like to walk.
Father Peter: OK, can we just...? Jenny, could you just...? Oh, you've already written it down, have you? Great, thank you, Jenny. I want to just pause and think about what's in here. What about the fact that we all feel and love and hope and... Write this down. We all cry. [Aisling, in charge of the "Similarities" board, is unsure whether to write this down] We all laugh. We all dream. I just want to think along those lines, for a moment. OK?
Boy: Catholics watch RTE!
Girl: Protestants love cleaning!
Michelle: Protestants are taller!
Dee: Catholics have more freckles!
Orla: Protestants hate ABBA!

Quote from Sister Michael in Across the Barricade

Father Peter: Now, back to similarities. Yes?
Michelle: Ah, protestants are richer.
Father Peter: OK, so that's another difference. And I'm not sure that's actually... I mean, is that true?
Sister Michael: I would say so.
Janet Taylor: Yeah, I suppose that's fair enough.
Father Peter: Yes, great. Off you go.
Jon: Catholics really buzz off statues and we don't so much.
Sister Michael: I do enjoy a good statue, it has to be said.

Quote from Michelle in Episode Three

Michelle: Christ, I feel a bit bokey. [Michelle opens the curtains]
Clare: Sweet sufferin' Jesus, it's the morning already! What are we going to do?
Michelle: Well, maybe we could start with calming the fuck down.
Clare: Calm down? We're still on William of Orange, Michelle! We haven't so much looked at the famine!
Michelle: We've got the gist. They ran out of spuds. Everyone was ragin'.
James: Well, I can't tell my rebellions from my risings.
Michelle: And whose fault's that? If your lot had stopped invading us for five fucking minutes there'd be a lot less to wade through, you English prick!

Quote from Aunt Sarah in Episode One

Sarah: Well, I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm not enjoying this bomb.
Joe: Shocking.
Mary: Desperate.
Sarah: Disgusting and disgraceful. I have an appointment in Tropicana at 12:00. 15 minutes in the stand up. But sure, I'll not get over the bridge at this rate. It's going to play havoc with my build-up. This is what they want. They want ordinary people to suffer. This is what it's all about.
Erin: I'm pretty sure interfering with your sunbed sessions isn't very high up on anyone's political agenda, Aunt Sarah.
Sarah: I wouldn't be so sure.

Quote from Aunt Sarah in The Concert

News Presenter: [on TV] SDLP leader John Hume has again called for cross party peace talks...
Sarah: John's really dying for peace, like, isn't he? It's all he ever goes on about. I hope it works out for him.
Mary: Aye, I sort of hope it works out for all of us, Sarah.

Quote from Clare in Across the Barricade

Clare: Seriously, folks, I'm not feeling entirely comfortable with this!
Father Peter: One... [Philip chuckles] two... [Clare screams] three.
Clare: [screams] Stop! Stop it! Get me out of here! He's trying to kill me! He wants to kill us all! All of the Catholics! Look at his eyes, he's a madman! A Fenian-hating madman. Don't let the Jaffa bastard hurt me! Please!
Erin: Jesus, Clare!
Michelle: Fuck-a-doodle do!

Quote from James in Episode Five

James: Why doesn't someone just call the police?
Erin: Cos that's not how things work around here, James.
James: Well, how do things work here? How do they work? Will one of you please explain it to me, because sometimes I feel like I've gone through the fucking looking glass!
Clare: Calm down, James.
Michelle: Aye, don't be such a dick, James.

Quote from Granda Joe in Episode Five

Gerry: Joe, it's all just a bit trickier today. There are so many roadblocks up, there are so many diversions, and, you know, I drive for a living.
Joe: He says this like it's something to be proud of.
Gerry: Look, we just need to get out of this place as quickly and as quietly as possible.
Joe: You know what age I am, boy? You know how many of these parades I've lived through? You think I don't realise how quickly a situation can turn? Do you think I would do anything to put my family at risk?
Gerry: No. Of course not. I'm sorry.
Jim: Aye.
[cut to Joe's car stuck in the middle of the Orange Order parade:]
Joe: What are you looking at, you tangerine tool?!

Quote from Ma Mary in Episode Five

Mary: Already? It's started already?
Gerry: I think it's just a rehearsal, love.
Mary: They've been playing the same three songs since 1795. What do they need to rehearse for?

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