Gerry: It just doesn't make any sense, Jim.
Jim: I heard him say it. As clear as day, it was.
Gerry: Burt? Why would they bring him to Burt?
Jim: Well, that's what's so clever about it. Nobody's gonna go looking for the President of the USA in Burt, now, are they? Sure if you went about saying Bill Clinton was in Burt, people would think you were clean mad.
Gerry: Precisely. Look, lads, if you want my opinion...
Joe: We don't.
Gerry: Grand.

Sarah: Daddy and Gerry not back yet?
Mary: They must have had a few drinks and lost track of time. Sure, you know what Bill's like.
Sarah: God, aye, any excuse to whip out the aul saxophone.

Erin: We have some serious scandal, Mammy.
Mary: I'm not interested in any of your aul schoolgirl gossip, Erin.
Sarah: I am.
Erin: We just met James's mammy.
Mary: Cathy Maguire's back? Really?
Orla: She tried to set us on fire.
Gerry: She did what?
Erin: She didn't.

Dispatcher: Heading to the chapel, Bill?
Bill: Aye.
Dispatcher: Anybody free to pick up Bill from base? Over. Anybody near base at all? Over.
Man: [over radio] All right, back in five.
Dispatcher: Five minutes, Bill.
Bill: Good.
Gerry: Now, Jim, would you be open to the following possibility at all, that it may not have been a CIA agent you were picking up on that transmitter of yours, that there is in fact a good chance it was a taxi dispatcher from Burt ordering a car here to bring Bill to mass?
Jim: He did have a strong Donegal accent, now that you mention it.
Joe: Jesus, Jim!

Man: [o.s.] And now, ladies and gentlemen, it is my pleasure to introduce the President of the United States of America!
Orla: I see him! I see him!
Erin: You're facing the wrong way, Orla.
Orla: No, no, look, it's James!
James: [indistinct]
Michelle: What's he saying?
Clare: I don't know.
James: I - am - a - Derry - Girl!
Man: [o.s.] A fucking prick is what you are!

James: Look, Bill doesn't even get here till four o'clock tomorrow.
Michelle: "Bill"? Who are you? His Ma?
James: We've got plenty of time, is all I'm saying.

James: Mum's had a lot going on.
Cathy Maguire: Yeah. I've actually just started my own business. It's been a real passion project, a real labour of love! And it's really starting to take off now, so...
Mary: Right. And what sort of area is it?
Cathy Maguire: Self-adhesive labels.
Mary: Stickers?
Cathy Maguire: I design high-end self-adhesive labels.
Mary: You make stickers.
Cathy Maguire: For bespoke gift packages.
Mary: You're a sticker maker.
Cathy Maguire: No, they're not stickers exactly.
Sarah: And would there be much money in sticker making, Cathy?
Cathy Maguire: They are not stickers! Labels. They're labels.

Erin: Some states left America?
Dennis: Yep.
Michelle: When did this happen?
Dennis: The other day.
Orla: God, that's desperate.
Erin: I dunno. I just feel like if 20 states left the USA, we might have heard about it.
Dennis: Ah, they didn't want to make it into a big thing. So these are the new, modern, up-to-date flags. They've just brought them out.
Erin: OK. It's just, well, I'm not convinced that's actually true.
Dennis: Why would I lie?
Michelle: Because you bought a fuckload of dud flags and you're trying to get rid of them?
Dennis: Get out!

Clare: Do you know how packed that Guildhall Square is gonna be, James? You'd have to camp overnight just to get a glimpse of him.
Erin: Chelsea will sort us out.
Clare: Och, I'm not even sure I trust Chelsea any more.
Michelle: Aye, Chelsea might be flaky.
Orla: She does have crafty eyes.
Erin: OK, I'm not comfortable with the Chelsea-bashing, girls.

Dennis: Is there some sort of a problem here, girls?
Clare: Not a problem as such, more of a question, really.
Dennis: And you think I'm here to answer questions, do you? Who, am I? Magnus fucking Magnusson?
James: He doesn't answer questions, he asks them.
Dennis: Pipe the fuck down.