Joe: And what's that gotta do with Seamus?
Gerry: The fact that the corpses starting piling up within hours of you taking in a feral cat is no coincidence, Joe.
Joe: It wasn't Seamus! Seamus wouldn't hurt a fly.
Gerry: I've seen him eat flies.
Joe: Seamus didn't kill anything! There's a tabby, two streets away, has a vendetta against him. They had a falling out. I don't know the details.
Gerry: So, Seamus has been framed by another cat?!
Joe: Exactly!
Aunt Sarah: Jesus, that's desperate.

James: Wait, are they arresting us? But they haven't said the bit! You haven't said the bit!

Joe: This is a good spot.
Gerry: Oh, is it now? Disposed of a body before, have you, Joe?
Joe: No. But I've often thought about how I might.

Chief Inspector Byers: We've had several reports of suspicious activity on the grounds of Our Lady Immaculate College this evening. Following up on that lead, we discover you five on the premises, that the locks on the side door have been forced, and the alarm system deactivated. Now, we can't get hold of the headmistress, one... Sister George Michael.
James: George Michael?

Clare: Well, why can't we speak to a solicitor?!
Chief Inspector Byers: I didn't say you couldn't.
Erin: Oh, you're trying to stitch us up, aren't you?
Chief Inspector Byers: Why would I do that?
Michelle: Because we're Fenians.
Chief Inspector Byers: That is a very serious allegation, girls.
Erin: Are you denying that your organisation is prejudiced, Inspector? For the tape, the inspector is refusing to answer.
Chief Inspector Byers: There is no tape!

Colm: She made the whole thing up! As mad as a bag of cats, she was.
Police Officer: Sir.
Colm: And she had been clattering the wean in thon fake tan stuff, to make him more Spanish-y looking, you know?
Police Officer: There's a van matching the descriptions on CCTV.
Colm: Which how suspicions were raised, you see, because there was a powerful whiff off the wee critter.
Chief Inspector Byers: That'll do. Thank you very much for your time. You've been a huge help. We'll take it from here.
Erin: We can go?
Chief Inspector Byers: Yes, please. Do, go, right now. And for the love of suffering Jesus, take him with ye.
Erin: Thank you, you're a legend, Colm, a legend!
Clare: Thank you, Colm!
Colm: Any time, wains! Any time at all!

Orla: Oh, my God, Erin, snap! Look, an A, four Bs, three Cs, and a D!
Erin: What?! Let me see that, that can't be right. How? How have you got the same results as me? This can't be right!
Mary: Christ, you don't think there's been some sort of a mix-up, do you?
Sister Michael: Orla just does really well at exams, despite the fact she obviously, you know... is subnormal.
Orla & Aunt Sarah: Aaw!
Aunt Sarah: Thank you, Sister.

Chief Inspector Byers: OK, before this goes any further, you're minors, we need to get a parent or a guardian down here, ASAP. Who would you like us to call?
Michelle: Can you just give us a minute?
Clare: We can't call my ma!
Erin: Well, we're not calling mine!
Michelle: Mine neither!
Erin: Do not look at Orla, her ma is just an extension of my ma!
James: What about someone's dad?
Erin: Oh, Das can't be trusted!
Michelle: Das are in the pockets of mas.
Erin: It's true. Das are just Ma enablers.

Chief Inspector Byers: Here's where we're at, girls.
James: I'm actually a boy.
Chief Inspector Byers: OK, love.

Erin: [v.o.] They told us we were young, yet we understood the enormity of it. We understood what was at stake. Our fear was replaced with something more terrifying... hope. Hope is so much worse. With hope you have something to lose... [tape rewinds]
Michelle: Oh, for fuck's sake! What's happened now?!
James: Your TV is such a piece of crap.
Erin: No, it's not. Your camera's the problem.
James: My camera's top of the range!
Michelle: It's true. His ma only sends him really expensive shit, you know, to make up for the fact that she doesn't love him.
James: Michelle!
Michelle: Oh, sorry, that came out wrong. I meant... Nope, can't think of any other way to put that.