Erin: We wanted to rent a video, but...
Sister Michael: Yeah, I didn't ask.
Erin: Trying to take our minds off tomorrow.
Sister Michael: Why are you still talking to me?
Erin: The results, you know?
Sister Michael: Stop it!
Erin: I suppose in many ways you're as nervous as we are.
Sister Michael: Well, no, because the school actually receives them the day before you do, and also, I don't care.
Dennis: Awk, Sister, it's yourself. I've left the new Scorsese over for you.
Clare: You... have the results already?! You know how we did?
Sister Michael: Just try to enjoy what time you've left, girls.

Mary: Should we say a wee prayer first, maybe?
Sister Michael: Yeah, I'd say our lord is up there now, looking down on the world, thinking the floods and the famine can wait, for there is a child in Derry who needs me to magically alter the contents of an envelope.
Geraldine: That's very good, Sister Michael, that's very funny!
Deidre: Ach, don't be such a lick, Geraldine.
Sister Michael: Oh, just get on with it, please.

[Intro to "Feeling Hot Hot Hot" by The Merrymen plays]
♫ Ole, Ole, ole, ole, ole ♫ ♫ Ole, Ole, ole, ole, ole ♫
[As Aisling and Jenny dance, Pudsey Bear encourages Miss Mooney to get up and dance]
Miss Mooney: Oh, God, please no!
♫ Feeling Hot Hot Hot ♫ ♫ Feeling Hot Hot Hot ♫
Sister Michael: No, no, no. [stops music] Thank you, girls. We won't forget that performance in a hurry... no matter how hard we try. Now, amidst the merriment, it's easy to forget there is a serious and rather depressing side to Children in Need, mainly the fact that Father Peter has decided to come and talk to us about it.

Father Peter: Fantastic way to round off this week of complete madness. I don't know whose idea it was, but it was genius.
Sister Michael: It was your idea.
Father Peter: Ah, now.
Sister Michael: You said, "Can we have a Stars in their Eyes night?"
Father Peter: Is that right? Well, sure, there you are.
Sister Michael: And I said absolutely not.
Father Peter: I see. Well, sure all's well...
Sister Michael: And then you started begging.
Father Peter: ..that ends well, as they say.
Sister Michael: At one point it looked like you were going to cry.
Father Peter: I think you've maybe slightly misremembered there.

Father Peter: And we've got a pretty exciting first prize lined up. The winner will get a chance to... Drum roll, please, Sister.
Sister Michael: Have you lost your actual mind?
Father Peter: ...perform their song live on TV. What about that now?

Father Peter: What you need to do is bring it a bit more downstage. No, no - downstage? No, no - downstage! How many times? Downstage is up, upstage is down.
Mrs. Mooney: But that doesn't make any sense.
Father Peter: It's theatre. It's not supposed to make sense. I need to speak to the stage manager.
Sister Michael: What now?
Father Peter: OK, now... With the smoke machine, when the contestants come out, really go for it. Don't be shy. Give it a good blast.
Sister Michael: I'll give you a kick up the arse.

Mary: Four, please.
Mrs. Mooney: No bother at all.
Sister Michael: Once you've bought the tickets, you've donated to the charity. You don't actually have to sit through this ordeal.
Mary: Our girls are performing.
Sister Michael: And?
Mary: Well, we'd like to see them.
Sister Michael: Oh.
Father Peter: [over walkie-talkie] Sister Michael, you're needed backstage ASAP, over.
Sister Michael: Sorry, just let me deal with this. [throws walkie-talkie in the bin] Ahem.

Clare: [clears throat]
Sister Michael: Here we go.
Clare: Ah. Sister Michael. Hi.
Sister Michael: Clare.
Clare: I wasn't sure you saw me.
Sister Michael: No, no, I did.
Clare: Right. Heading to Portrush?
Sister Michael: Yep.
Clare: Anything nice planned?
Sister Michael: No.
Clare: OK.

Tara: [on the phone] And I'd just generally like to be a bit more adventurous, you know? It's just all missionary, missionary, missionary. You know my friend Roisin? She told me her and Marty Collins get up to all sorts. She ties him up and everything. I'd love to do that. No, Conor, not tie you up. No, I mean I'd love to tie Marty Collins up. Oh, he's so hot.
Announcer: [over Tannoy] The next train from platform two will be the 9:40 from Londonderry to Portrush, calling at...
Clare: I think I'll head out to the platform.
Sister Michael: Good idea. Excuse me, madam.
Tara: Yeah.
Sister Michael: I must tell you I am shocked. Now, I know what you're going to say to me. You're going to say "It's none of my business," but... what cowboy is responsible for this soundproofing? It's atrocious. You need to speak to the lad who did our confessionals. They're great. There are fellas telling Father Peter where they stashed the murder weapon and the congregation is none the wiser. I'll drop his number in to you.

Orla: We'd like to report a crime.
Sister Michael: Right.
Erin: Just now, Jenny Joyce's singing.
Sister Michael: Being really, really, really bad at something isn't actually a crime.
Erin: No, Sister. When we went on that retreat with Father Peter, he asked us to write something about faith.
Sister Michael: Oh, thank Christ I had pneumonia that weekend.
Clare: We wrote that song, Sister. Jenny stole it!