Uncle Colm Quote #6
Erin: It's Uncle Colm!
Gerry: Dear God, no.
Mary: Everything all right, Colm?
Colm: Oh, God, aye. Well, the aul knee's giving me a bit of jip, but sure I'll not bore you with the details.
Gerry: I doubt that.
Colm: I felt a twinge there this morning and I says to myself, says I, "Colm, you'll have to get that seen to. You can't let that go." For, and you'll maybe not remember this girls, but Maggie Murphy felt a twinge on a Monday, and on Thursday of the very same week, sure didn't she drop dead at the bingo. And her sitting on a full house, too. But sure, you can't take it with you, as they say. God rest her soul.
Quote from Da Gerry
Joe: I won't miss my chance! Not again! You hear me, boy?
Gerry: What the hell is he planning to do?
Mary: When JFK came to Dublin, Uncle Colm met him, and Daddy didn't.
Joe: Things are gonna be different this time, I tell you.
Gerry: JFK spoke to Colm? Christ, that man didn't have much luck, did he?
Quote from Uncle Colm
Colm: This Clinton boyo is actually America's 42nd president, which is interesting now, because JFK, well, he was the 35th.
Joe: Why is that interesting?
Colm: Well, I suppose it's not really. Sometimes I'll just say something to get me from one sentence to the other, Joe, you know how it is.
Jim: It should be just up here on the left.
Colm: I'm not sure what number Nixon was, now. Or your man, what do you call him, the beardy fella in the hat. The one who knocked the aul slavery on the head?
Colm: The very boy. But then there was the 27th... [time lapse] America's 30th. And then there was the lad they named all the vacuum cleaners after.
Gerry: Jesus wept.
Quote from Episode Two
Colm: There was a knock at the door. This must have been, ah, we're talking eight, half eight, for I was halfway through my dinner. And up I got to open it, and there they both were, large as life. And the taller fella, though, to be fair, there was no more than an inch in it...
Mary: Jesus wept.
Colm: The slightly taller fella, he says to me, says he, "Do you know who we are?"
Joe: How is a body supposed to enjoy his dinner?
Colm: And I says to him, says I, "Well, I can't be sure now. But maybe if you took off the balaclavas..." And then he says to me, the slightly taller fella does, he says, "Step aside, we are armed."
Colm: And that is when the smaller fella, although, as I say, we are talking an inch...
Erin: Mammy, make it stop.
Colm: ...an inch and a half at most.
Sarah: I need a drink.
Colm: He has the bright idea of tying me to the radiator, you see. And I remember saying to myself, says I, "Colm, it's a good job you have the Economy 7 on the aul timer, or you'd be roasted here."
Quote from The Curse
Colm: And, now, I don't mind a bit of a breeze, if anything I prefer it, but thon was aggressive. So, I says to myself, says I, "Colm, this is no day for a do..."
Sister Michael: What's happening?
Colm: ...for, when the bride arrived and, as I say, by this stage the wind was fierce...
Sister Michael: Am I dead?
Colm: ...I've never heard wind like it.
Sister Michael: Is this my wake?
Colm: Howling like a banshee, it was.
Sister Michael: Am I in hell?
Colm: So, the poor girl, the bride now, this is, she arrives anyway and isn't she no sooner out of the car than she's lifted up in the air like a paper doll and blown into a flowerbed.
Sister Michael: That's actually quite funny.