Uncle Colm Quote #3
Mary: But Colm's not here, is he, Da? Da?
Colm: [to the girl at the counter] ... And that's not to say, now, that in my younger years, I didn't enjoy a boiled sweet. But then I heard tell of a fella from Ballynahinch... What was it his name was, now? I had it there a minute ago. Ach, it'll come to me. Anyway, this Ballynahinch lad, and, as I say, his name escapes me, but he was mad keen on the boiled sweets. Sure, he couldn't get enough of them. But in the end, well, didn't he choke to death on one? A pear drop, I think it was. Or a clove rock, maybe. But either way, it's not how I'd want to go.
Mary: [to the girl] I know, love. I know.
Quote from Sister Michael
Sister Michael: Now, what else was there? Yes. Sadly, Sister Patrick has decided to leave us. She's returning to her missionary work, educating the heathen inhabitants of a primitive and savage place.
Miss Mooney: She's taking a teaching post in Belfast, Sister.
Sister Michael: Precisely. The Board of Governors promised me that her replacement would arrive today, but as usual they were talking out of their... [door bangs]
Ms. De Brún: I believe you've been expecting me.
Sister Michael: [rolls eyes] Here we go.
Quote from Sister Michael
Sister Michael: As you all know, at the beginning of term, the bishop graciously bestowed a beautiful piece of religious art onto our lady immaculate college. The Enchanting Child of Prague. There we are. Sure, isn't he a great fella altogether?
James: I still don't get what it's supposed to be.
Michelle: It's Jesus as a wain.
James: Why has he got a big red hat on?
Michelle: Nobody knows.
Sister Michael: It was the bishop's wish that he be passed around all the schools in the Derry Diocese. Therefore, we are joined this morning by Mr. Malone, headmaster of St. Benedict's, so that the handover ceremony can take place. You're very welcome, Mr. Malone. Though I fear you may have had a wasted journey. I've thought about it, and I'd much rather just hold on to him, actually. He brightens up my office. He doesn't answer back. I like the fella. And if the bishop has a problem with that, he can take it up with me.
Quote from Ma Mary
Mary: Sweet Jesus.
Erin: [mouth full] Mammy, we can explain.
Mary: Not the Christmas cupboard?
Sarah: They've had the very Tunnock's, Mary.
Mary: Animals, the lot of you!
Erin: We needed energy for our poetry.
Mary: I'll give you energy for your poetry!
Clare: We were just gonna take a handful of chocolate money, Mary. But then one thing led to another.
Mary: What am I supposed to do? I'll have to start from scratch now. And December's only round the corner.
Gerry: It's eight months away, love.
Quote from Episode Two
Colm: There was a knock at the door. This must have been, ah, we're talking eight, half eight, for I was halfway through my dinner. And up I got to open it, and there they both were, large as life. And the taller fella, though, to be fair, there was no more than an inch in it...
Mary: Jesus wept.
Colm: The slightly taller fella, he says to me, says he, "Do you know who we are?"
Joe: How is a body supposed to enjoy his dinner?
Colm: And I says to him, says I, "Well, I can't be sure now. But maybe if you took off the balaclavas..." And then he says to me, the slightly taller fella does, he says, "Step aside, we are armed."
Colm: And that is when the smaller fella, although, as I say, we are talking an inch...
Erin: Mammy, make it stop.
Colm: ...an inch and a half at most.
Sarah: I need a drink.
Colm: He has the bright idea of tying me to the radiator, you see. And I remember saying to myself, says I, "Colm, it's a good job you have the Economy 7 on the aul timer, or you'd be roasted here."
Quote from The Curse
Colm: And, now, I don't mind a bit of a breeze, if anything I prefer it, but thon was aggressive. So, I says to myself, says I, "Colm, this is no day for a do..."
Sister Michael: What's happening?
Colm: ...for, when the bride arrived and, as I say, by this stage the wind was fierce...
Sister Michael: Am I dead?
Colm: ...I've never heard wind like it.
Sister Michael: Is this my wake?
Colm: Howling like a banshee, it was.
Sister Michael: Am I in hell?
Colm: So, the poor girl, the bride now, this is, she arrives anyway and isn't she no sooner out of the car than she's lifted up in the air like a paper doll and blown into a flowerbed.
Sister Michael: That's actually quite funny.
Quote from The Night Before
Uncle Colm: So, I says to myself, says I, Colm, who'd be ringing you at this hour? And sure, if I hadn't been in the middle of a Maeve Binchy, I'd have probably slept through the thing altogether.
Chief Inspector Byers: What was it we asked him?
Police Officer: I can't remember, sir.
Chief Inspector Byers: Jesus.
Uncle Colm: ...I'm like a dead one.