Granda Joe Quote #11
Mary: Shay said when you left Duggan's, you turned up Pump Street.
Sarah: Pump Street? Who do you know on Pump Street, Da?
Mary: What were you doing heading up Pump Street with a cream horn, Da?
Joe: I was visiting a friend of mine.
Mary: What friend?
Joe: A new friend.
Mary: A male friend, was it? [Joe is silent] Aye, I thought as much. Buying cream horns for his fancy woman, Sarah, what do you think of that?
Joe: We met at the Stations of the Cross.
Erin: Which station?
Joe: Jesus falls for the second time.
Sarah: I could do without the details, Da.
Quote from Michelle
Michelle: Ssh! You'll scare Clive!
James: Who's Clive?
Michelle: Clive. Clive is a wee Prod from East Belfast. Clive came back from Ibiza, got on the wrong bus at Aldergrove Airport, then fell asleep. Clive woke up in Derry, surrounded by Russians and Fenians. Clive is absolutely shitting himself.
Erin: So where's the real Artem?
Michelle: Giant's Causeway, probably. Foreigners fucking love the Giant's Causeway.
Clive: I just want to go home! But she won't let me leave! She won't let me leave.
Michelle: I also think Clive may have had too many disco biscuits on his holidays.
Clare: [enters] Here you are!
Clive: Thank God! [hugs Clare in her Union Jack top] Whatever you do, don't slag off the Pope. We're outnumbered.
Quote from Orla
Orla: Which one's ours?
Erin: She didn't send a photo. Her family probably don't even own a camera. She'll find Derry a bit overwhelming at first, just because of how advanced everything is here. All the cracker stuff we have.
Orla: They have some pretty cracker stuff where she comes from, too, Erin.
Erin: Oh, really? Like what? Disease? Poverty?
Orla: No. You can get this wee woman made of wood, right? You pull her apart and inside her there's an even wee-er wooden woman, and you pull the wee-er wooden woman apart...
Erin: Are you talking about Russian dolls?
Quote from Clare
Clare: I'm very sorry for all your trouble. You know, the whole hoo-ha at the power plant.
Clare: When you think about it, we've actually got a lot in common, cos we understand what it's like to be a young person from a troubled place.
Katya: Hm, it is not the same. Chernobyl was terrible nuclear accident. You people like to fight each other and, to be honest, what person really understands why?
Erin: Well, there's actually a political element to it, Katya, and there's a religious element.
Katya: But you're not two different religions here, you're different flavours of same religion, no?
Erin: Well, yes... but... It's a little bit more complicated than that, Katya.
Katya: To me, is stupid.
Clare: Oh, my God... It is stupid. It is so, so stupid.
Quote from Episode Five
Gerry: Joe, it's all just a bit trickier today. There are so many roadblocks up, there are so many diversions, and, you know, I drive for a living.
Joe: He says this like it's something to be proud of.
Gerry: Look, we just need to get out of this place as quickly and as quietly as possible.
Joe: You know what age I am, boy? You know how many of these parades I've lived through? You think I don't realise how quickly a situation can turn? Do you think I would do anything to put my family at risk?
Gerry: No. Of course not. I'm sorry.
[cut to Joe's car stuck in the middle of the Orange Order parade:]
Joe: What are you looking at, you tangerine tool?!
Quote from The Agreement
Granda Joe: Er, the release of all paramilitary prisoners, both flavours.
[Joe points to two different packets of Tayto Cheese & Onion crisps]
Da Gerry: Both flavours?
Ma Mary: Loyalist and Republican.
Da Gerry: Of course.
Ma Mary: This is what I don't understand. What happens to the lads when they get out? I mean, what does an ex-paramilitary do?
Granda Joe: Gardening.
Da Gerry: Gardening?
Granda Joe: Have you any better suggestions?
Quote from The Agreement
Granda Joe: Hello, love.
Erin: Did you get your head around this referendum thing yet?
Granda Joe: I did, aye.
Erin: And what do you think?
Granda Joe: Hm. Oh, it doesn't matter what I think. Sure, I'm an old man. It's what you think that's important.
Erin: People died. Innocent people died, Granda. They were someone's mother, father, daughter, son. Nothing can ever make that OK. And the people who took those lives, they're just gonna walk free. You know, what if we do it, and it was all for nothing? What if we vote yes, and it doesn't even work?
Granda Joe: And what if it does? What if no-one else has to die? What if all this becomes a... a ghost story you'll tell your wains one day? Hmm? A ghost story they'll hardly believe.