Jenny: ♫ Let me tell you about my man ♫ Let me put into words if I can ♫
Aisling: ♫ I think I can ♫
Jenny: ♫ He's the apple of my eye ♫
Jenny & Aisling: ♫ Without him I'd just die ♫ He's my guy ♫ Ooh, he's my guy ♫
Jenny: ♫And his name is God... ♫
Sister Michael: Merciful Jesus.
Jenny: ♫His name is God, God, God ♫ Oh, yes, it's God ♫
Michelle: The sly bitch.
Jenny: ♫ There's no one like Him ♫ He died for our sins ♫

Jenny: For years, we have been divided. Inflicting pain on each other. In the name of what?
Aisling: I am a Republican.
Jenny: I am a Loyalist.
Erin: I am affronted.
James: Are the IRA famous for their swordsmanship?
Performers: [chant] Hate. Hate. Fear. Fear. Pain. Pain. Death. Death.
Erin: Is death an option?
Jenny: Stop!
James: Please do...
Jenny: This isn't the way. We shouldn't be enemies. We should be neighbours. Friends. Lovers.
Erin: Boke, boke, projectile boke. Bleurgh!
Jenny: Let's put the past behind us, and let's choose hope.
Performers: [chant] Hope, hope, hope, hope...
Jenny: Thank you.

Jenny: Attention, everyone. Attention, please. We've just discovered a black mark on the floor of the master en-suite. It's a Sicilian marble, folks, so I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask everyone to remove their shoes.

Jenny: OK, guys. Don't forget, entries for our "Searching For Myself" writing competition are to be placed here. If you could all spread the word, that'd be fabby-dabby-do.
Erin: Fabby-dabby-dick.

Jenny: But before you don your glad rags and boogie on down, we'd like to let you in on our little secret. We're not actually going to have a school formal this year. [crowd gasps] No, listen, we're not gonna have a school formal. We're going to have...
Choir: [sing] Doo-bee doo-bee doo-bee doo-bee doo-bee doo-bee do-o-o.
Jenny: ...a fifties prom!
Michelle: Wise up!
Jenny: I know, I know. But I do love a theme. Sure, isn't that why people call me the Theme Queen?
Clare: Do they?
Michelle: Do they fuck.
Jenny: We want it to have a real old-school, retro, vintage vibe. So, feel free to just go for it!
Michelle: Feel free to kiss my hole.

Jenny: I'm Jenny. This is Aisling. We just thought we'd introduce ourselves and see if...
Clare: Too late, Jenny. She's ours.
Jenny: I see. Look, these girls are great but I do have a pen pal from the Caribbean, so perhaps my circle is a little bit more diverse?
Clare: Back. Off.
Jenny: Think it over. Give me a call. Oh, and FYI, the prom queen vote closes today.
Michelle: FY nobody gives a shit.
Aisling: Here's the wee ballot.
Erin: I see you've thrown your hat into the ring, Jenny.
Jenny: I had my arm twisted. But feel free to tick my box.
Michelle: Dirty bitch.

Jenny & Aisling: Give peace a chance! Give peace a chance! Give peace a chance! Give peace a chance! No hate! No hate! Let's integrate!
Girl: Yay!
Sister Michael: Kill me.

Jenny: Hiya-a-a! Sorry, girls, I can't stop.
Michelle: Nobody wants you to.
Jenny: Just grabbing a few bits for the prom, sure, you know how it is.
Mae: Oh, I was actually just about to try that one on.
Jenny: Well, I left it over, so...
Mae: It's just that red's my colour.
Jenny: Yeah, mine too.
Mae: No, you don't understand. I really, really suit it.
Jenny: Yeah, so do I.
Mae: Garnet's actually my birthstone.
Jenny: Well, ruby's mine, so...
Mae: I want that dress, Jenny.
Jenny: Well, you can't have it.
Mae: Bitch.

Jenny: This is shocking. I mean, what is everybody playing at?
Aisling: What are we playing at?
Jenny: I'm sorry?
Aisling: Come on, Jenny, for once the world'll be watching us for all the right reasons.
Jenny: You'll get into trouble, Aisling.
Aisling: I don't care.

Jenny: Hey, guys. Not thinking of entering, are you?
Michelle: We might be.
Jenny: [to Aisling] That's cute.
Aisling: So cute.
Erin: Oh, bring it on, bitches.