‘Halloween’
Season 3, Episode 6 - Aired May 17, 2022
Erin and friends are desperate to get tickets to see Fatboy Slim perform in Derry on Halloween. Meanwhile, Sarah needs Gerry's help to extricate her from an unexpected entanglement.
Quote from Granda Joe
Gerry: I thought we should have a chat, because...
Ciaran: Sorry, Gerry. I find it hard to concentrate with...
Gerry: Yeah, of course. Could you take that thing off, please, Joe? Joe. [Joe removes his Halloween mask] So, I thought we should have a bit of a chat.
Ciaran: Yeah, definitely. We should get to know each other a bit. All the lads. I mean, we'll be family soon enough, won't we?
Joe: Nope.
Gerry: The thing is, Ciaran, we all know Sarah can be a bit... I don't want to say light in the pan. But...
Joe: Too right you don't.
Gerry: ...but she's different, isn't she, Ciaran? She's different from other people. From, you know, normal people.
Ciaran: She's the love of my life.
Joe: Well, you're not the love of hers.
Gerry: OK, thank you, Joe.
Quote from Granda Joe
Mary: Anything?
Gerry: This is for Erin.
Mary: Oh, private and confidential.
Aunt Sarah: Will I stick the kettle on and we'll steam it open, Mary?
Gerry: That's actually a criminal offence, Sarah.
Joe: Your face should be a criminal offence.
Gerry: Oh, morning, Joe.
Quote from Ma Mary
Mary: I'm not going to steam open my daughter's mail. Come on now, Sarah. As if I have time for that. [opens letter] National Insurance card.
Aunt Sarah: Is that all?
Gerry: Honest to God.
Quote from Aunt Sarah
Gerry: Is there something you want to tell us, Sarah?
Aunt Sarah: I'm thinking of going blonde.
Mary: No, Sarah.
Aunt Sarah: I know what you're going to say. It'll totally wash me out.
Mary: Sarah...
Aunt Sarah: But with a couple of warm low-lights, I really think...
Quote from Granda Joe
Aunt Sarah: I've booked to see Bjorn Again. Have to give this a miss.
Mary: You're going to give your own engagement party a miss?
Joe: Well, now, to be fair, as ABBA tribute acts go, they're the best in the country.
Aunt Sarah: They really are the genuine article.
Gerry: Except, by definition, they're not. They're a tribute act.
Joe: You're an arsehole act!
Quote from Aunt Sarah
Erin: Mammy, do you remember you said we could get an advance on our birthday money, if we had a good enough reason?
Mary: I didn't say that.
Erin: Mmm-hmm. Orla.
Mary: [on tape] All right, all right, I suppose you could get an advance on your birthday money, if you had a good enough reason.
Orla: Busted.
Aunt Sarah: Jesus, but Home Alone 2 has a lot to answer for. They're flat out recording us on that thing, Mary. That time we were slagging off Deidre Mallon's pelmet, it's all on there.
Gerry: What's wrong with Deidre Mallon's pelmet?
Mary: It doesn't match her tie-backs, Gerry.
Quote from Erin
Clare: We really need to decide on our costumes, girls. Time is ticking. Poundstretcher has already run out of glitter.
Michelle: Fuck off!
Erin: I was thinking of angels, you know, like Claire Danes in Romeo and Juliet.
Clare: I like it. Simple, classic.
Michelle: And I can wear my white hot pants, which show just the right amount of arse cheek.
James: Oh, that's decided, then.
Quote from Michelle
Michelle: Clare. See that girl?
Clare: Yeah.
Michelle: Her name's Laurie. She's a lezzie. That's Laurie the Lezzie.
Clare: We don't say lezzie, Michelle.
Michelle: What's wrong with saying lezzie? You can say lezzie. All the gays say lezzie. It's like an industry term now, Clare.
Quote from Clare
Erin: You should tell her, Clare.
Clare: Tell her what?
Orla: That you're a lezzie too.
Clare: That's enough!
Erin: This could be your big chance.
Clare: My big chance?
Erin: Well, have you ever even met another lezzie?
Clare: Stop saying lezzie! Just because I'm gay doesn't mean I see every other gay woman as a potential suitor.
Michelle: Aye, keep saying things like "suitor", Clare. That'll help you off-load the old virginity.
Quote from Clare
Laurie: I'm going myself, actually. I'll be the clown propping up the bar.
Clare: You're not a clown.
Laurie: Oh, no, I mean I'll be dressed as a clown. Like, it's my costume.
Clare: Aye, no, I get that.
Laurie: You should come say hello.
Clare: I will. I totally will! I definitely will! I'll do that! I will!
Michelle: So do you think you w-w-will, Clare?
Clare: Shut up!