Erin: What's going on? Why have we stopped?
Mary: My punt purse is in the bucking suitcase.
Sarah: Punts are such a pain in the arse. Why can't they just use sterling?
Mary: Well, they did for a while, Sarah, but then, you know, partition happened.

Gerry: Holy God!
Mary: Jesus Christ.
Orla: Did you not put him in there, Aunt Mary?
Mary: No, no, I did not.

Orla: All right, how's it going?
Emmett: Not too bad, not too bad. And yourself?
Mary: I'm sorry, who are you?
Emmett: Ah, Emmett's the name. Well, not my real name, like, but it'll have to do. Anyway, I'll not be keeping
you. [starts to close the boot]
Mary: No, hold on. Wait.
Emmett: Yeah?
Mary: Do you mind telling us what you're doing in there?
Emmett: Oh, right. Well, during the last 24 hours, crossing the border has become somewhat of a priority for me, so I did a bit of asking around, you know, just on the off chance someone might be heading down that way, and your name came up. And... there you have it.
Gerry: Fantastic.
Emmett: All right? Lovely to meet you.

Clare: No! I've lost my bookmark! Now I've lost my page! Oh, my God, this day just goes from bad to worse!
Erin: A bit of perspective maybe, Clare?

Mary: You really think this'll work? That they'll tell us what to do?
Sarah: Sure, it's worth a try. [turns card] Would you look at that.
Mary: Well, what do they say?
Sarah: I think... Now, I can't be certain, but I think they're saying you should leave Gerry.
Joe: I could have told you that years ago and I'm not psychic!

Gerry: Excuse me. Excuse me, please.
Waitress: What?
Gerry: Erm, I just wanted to say that, er, I, erm... I ordered a tea, you brought me a Coke, and that's not acceptable.
Waitress: But you drank the Coke.
Gerry: That's not the point. And your service has been nothing short of appalling, your attitude is worse. It's simply not good enough!
Waitress: I'll, er... I'll bring you a tea.
Gerry: You do that!
Waitress: [sobs] I'm sorry! I got a bit of bad news today. I haven't really been able to focus. I've been a bit distracted maybe. I'm sorry. I'll just take this...
Gerry: No, no, ignore all that.
Waitress: I'll bring you your tea right away, sir.

Gerry: It was him! The mural on our house, the spray paint... It was Emmett. I can prove it.
Mary: Sly wee bastard.
Joe: You bloody tout!
Sarah: Where is Emmett?
Orla: There he is.
[As they all look outside, Emmett is holding Jim's tent and a backpack in his hands as he watches a man pull a coat out of his car boot.]
Mary: Is that Jim's tent? [James looks back and sighs]
Sarah: What's he doing?
[Emmett takes a running jump into the man's car boot as he starts to drive away]
Joe: I told you to look after that tent.
Gerry: No, you didn't, you told him to look after it!
Joe: Ah, blame the wain, big man! Jesus... Jim's second best tent. How am I going to break it to him?

Michelle: So, would you do me a reading, Sarah?
Sarah: I would surely, love.
Erin: Grow up, Michelle. A deck of cards can't actually predict your future. It's ridiculous. It's medieval.
Joe: Shower of shites!

Deidre: Oh, thanks a million, Mary. I owe you one. Here, if you want our Ryan to sort that gable wall of yours out, you've only to ask.
Mary: What's wrong with our gable wall?
[outside, Mary, Gerry, Joe and Sarah find a Republican mural on the wall with the text "Up the Rebellies":]
Mary: Christ's sake!
Sarah: Do you think it's an omen?

Jim: Right, now watch. [closes window; music stops] What about that? [Orla gasps] I tell you, girls, the double glazing, it'll change your life.
Erin: Yeah, as I said, it's... it's very impressive, Jim. But we're actually in a bit of a hurry, so if we could just grab that tent.
[After Jim opens the window, the marching band can be heard. He closes the window again]
Orla: Mind-blowing.