James: So should us two bad bastards hook up or what?
Jon: I'm sorry?
James: Um, will you be my buddy, please?
Jon: Sure.

Erin: I'm not sure about this.
Michelle: I knew you'd fanny out!
Erin: These lads have moves. You said so yourself, Michelle. And I haven't got any moves!
Michelle: Look, let's just get in there, have a few drinks and just loosen up a bit.
Clare: No! No loosening up! I don't like it!
James: Just be confident, Erin. Boys like that.
Michelle: How the fuck would you know what boys like?
James: Cos I'm a boy, Michelle! I'm a real live boy.
Orla: Aw, yeah, like Pinocchio.

Michelle: Cock-a-doodle-doo.
James: Hi.
Michelle: Bet that's what he said when he was nabbed.
Erin: When who got nabbed?
Michelle: Have yous not heard? You know your man? Floppy hair, English, he's all, "Fuck-a-doodle this, fuck-a-doodle that". He's flat out going to weddings with his mates, until one of them, the fat, beardy one in the skirt, until he croaks it and they're all, "We need to show this man a bit of respect here, "let's stop all the clocks." He goes with your woman. Do you know her? She's a total ride, but she paperclips her frocks together. Well, he was caught getting down and dirty with some hooker in the back of his BMW. Dark horse or what?
Mary: Good Morning, Michelle.
Michelle: I am buzzing for this weekend. Them waterproof trousers do wonders for my hole.
James: Mine are pink. They're bright pink.
Michelle: They were two for one, James, stop crying.

Michelle: We're doing it for peace, all right, Mary. A piece of that fine Protestant ass! [Erin & Michelle high-five]
Clare: God, you are such a hypocrite, Erin.
Erin: No, I'm not. I just don't think there's anything wrong with some cross-community...
Michelle: Fiddling.
Erin: Relations.

Michelle: These Prods have some serious moves up their sleeves, you know. They're not as fucked up about sex as we are. They've put the work in, they know what they're doing.
Clare: They're people, Michelle! They're not sex toys!
Michelle: I beg to differ.

James: I'm really looking forward to making friends with some lads.
Michelle: Lads aren't going to make friends with you, James. Lads make friends with other lads.
James: I am a lad.
Erin: Aye, so you are, James.

Sister Michael: You must be Miss Taylor?
Janet Taylor: That's right. Well, Janet.
Sister Michael: Michael. Sister Michael. [they shake hands]
Janet Taylor: It's a pleasure.
Sister Michael: I know.
Janet Taylor: [to the students] Move it.
Sister Michael: Shift it.
Janet Taylor: Why's everyone so desperate for them to mix? I think we should keep them separate.
Sister Michael: I think we should keep them in cages.

Jon: We were told it was an all girls' school. You've been a bit short changed there.
James: Nah, it's fine, mate. It's all good, man. I'll... I'll just give it to my bird.
Jon: Your bird?
James: Yeah, she's really fit... and stuff.
Jon: Right. OK, great.

Orla: Sister Michael! I don't have a Protestant!
Sister Michael: Well, you'll have to share with James.
James: What? No!
Sister Michael: Look, there just aren't enough Protestants to go round.
Janet Taylor: The mediator's here. He's... one of your lot.
Sister Michael: Not a priest?
James: Quite young, Southern. Bit of an arsehole, but, oh, my God... amazing hair.
Sister Michael: Oh, for feck's sake.

Dennis: A present for Protestants. Ah, now, my next "Protestant gift delivery" isn't due to arrive until Wednesday. And as it stands I'm completely out of stock. What, with there being such a high fucking demand for that sort of thing around these parts.
Orla: That's a shame.
Clare: How much for the Subbuteo, Dennis?
Dennis: We'll call it 16 quid.
James: Could we call it £1.76?
Dennis: No, we fucking couldn't.
Erin: How about, we give you the £1.76 and we pay the rest off in instalments?
Clare: Yeah, which would be what? £3.56 over four weeks?
Dennis: Jesus, check out Rain-wain.
Erin: Or you could give us the Subbuteo and then we could work off the debt?
Clare: Yeah, we could do chores and stuff.
Dennis: Chores? What do you think this is, Little House On The Fucking Prairie?
Orla: Do you watch Little House On The Prairie, Dennis?
Dennis: Get out!