Nick Tortelli: Don't worry about it, Sam. I'll handle it. Carla, at times, can be very obdurate. She also can be very recalcitrant, intransigent and immovable.
Loretta: Nicky got one of those word-a-day calendars. We played word games all the way from Las Vegas. I'm insipid.

Carla: Nick, I want you back. I want to give you another chance to take care of me and the kids.
Nick Tortelli: Oh, Carla, you've made me the happiest man on Earth. Let's go to White Castle and celebrate! I knew I'd get you back if I kept scrubbing and mopping and cleaning the ashtrays and believing.
Carla: Yeah.
Nick Tortelli: But I've got to tell you, that last test was the hardest.
Carla: Test, Nick?
Nick Tortelli: Yeah, the way you actually got Loretta to come here and do what she did. I don't know how you did it.
Carla: It wasn't a test, Nick.
Nick Tortelli: It wasn't?
Carla: No.
Nick Tortelli: Uh, she really wants me back?
Carla: That's right.
Nick Tortelli: Oh. Well, good. I'm glad to see that you're above that sort of thing. It's you and me... forever.
Carla: Really, Nick? I can't believe it. I- [Nick clutches his chest] Nick? What's the matter?
Nick Tortelli: I don't know. Something weird, Carla. I can't control my body. Uh, I don't know what's going on. Uh, I'm going to find a cure for this, if it kills me. Uh... Goodbye, Carla. I love you. Loretta!

Diane: Oh, Nick Tortelli, this is someone with whom you have absolutely nothing in common, my paramour, Dr. Frasier Crane.
Nick Tortelli: Uh, doctor of what? Can you get any pills?
Frasier: I'm a psychiatrist. Uh, have we met? You wouldn't by any chance be the bogus missing link exhibited at the Amsterdam World's Fair?
Nick Tortelli: No, but you're not the first person who asked me. I wish I had done something like that. Maybe my life would be worth something.