Woody Boyd Quotes   Page 2 of 56    

Quote from Home Malone

Frasier: Oh, Woody. Our baby-sitter just canceled. Could you sit with Frederick tonight?
Woody: Okay.
Frasier: Oh, great, Woody. Thanks. [dials phone]
Woody: Yeah, I'm used to it. I used to baby-sit a lot back in Hanover, well, before the incident.
Frasier: [hangs up] You know I think Lilith's mother owes us a favor. Thanks anyway, Woody.
Rebecca: Oh, good, Woody, come here for a minute. Listen, I'm gonna go out of town for the weekend and I want you to feed my cat. Now I know it's an imposition, but, you know...
Woody: Okay.
Rebecca: Well, you're really good with animals, aren't you?
Woody: Well, yeah. I mean, I had lots of pets back in Hanover before the incident.
Rebecca: Yeah, Woody, on second thought, I'm gonna ask my next-door neighbor, but thanks anyway.
Paul: Hey, Woody, that's a really clever trick. You get out of doing anything with that.
Woody: Yeah. Just wish I'd thought of it before the incident.


Quote from I'm Okay, You're Defective

Rebecca: Woody, where's Sam?
Woody: "Woody, where's Norm and Cliff?" "Woody, where's Sam?" Now I know how Mr. Krapence feels. How come no one ever walks in and asks me where I am?
Rebecca: Woody, where are you?
Woody: Don't ask me now. Ask me when I'm not around.

Quote from Don't Shoot... I'm Only the Psychiatrist

Woody: Yeah, I took my fair share of ribbing back in Hanover.
Norm: Yeah?
Woody: "Little Einstein" they called me. "Mr. Smarty Pants." "Brainiac." Yep. I've heard 'em all.
Norm: Before I die, I got to see that town.

Quote from Do Not Forsake Me O' My Postman

Woody: Yeah, maybe things just didn't work out in Canada. Yeah, I'll never forget when my Uncle Orlo left Hanover to seek his fortune in the big city. You know what happened? Terre Haute just chewed him up and spit him out. Yep, he came back with his head between his legs.
Sam: Actually, I think the expression is "tail between his legs."
Woody: Oh, no, there was a train accident on the way back. Yep. It's a real tragedy. Yeah, a year later, he drowned in a sitz bath.

Quote from Ill-Gotten Gaines

Mr. Gaines: Oh, it's, uh, nothing important. Just, uh, some silly forms giving me power of attorney over all of your affairs. You see, the Gaines estate is wide and varied. And now that you're married to Kelly, you're part of that estate.
Woody: I'm not sure I understand all this.
Mr. Gaines: Oh, let me put it in Hanover-ese, Woody. You know how a turkey, when, uh, it feeds at the trough, will eat until it dies? Well, these forms give me the right now that you're feeding at the Gaines trough to pull your head away if I think you're gonna choke.
Woody: Well, turkeys don't choke, Mr. Gaines, they explode. Well, the one clue you get is you... You hear this hissing sound just before they blow. Now, you hear a turkey hissing, head for the hills. Turkey shrapnel can kill you.

Quote from Look Before You Sleep

Sam: Good night, Woody.
Woody: Oh, hey, uh, listen, Sam. You know, don't worry about that bug killer stuff. They say to stay out for 24 hours, but that's just overcautious. They sprayed my building once. I went right back in.
Carla: Come on.
Woody: Okay, let's go. Oh, by the way, Sam, uh, listen, uh, I was meaning to tell you. Don't worry about that bug killer stuff. They tell you to stay out for 24 hours. That's just overcautious. They sprayed my building once. I went right back in. You ready, Carla?

Quote from The Girl in the Plastic Bubble

Woody: Boy, Dr. Sternin-Crane having an affair with another guy. Mm, this reminds me of a terrible scandal we had back in Hanover. Rocked the whole town to its core. Mayor's wife ran off with old Mr. Smithers.
Frasier: Oh, that's not so scandalous, Woody.
Woody: Well, Mr. Smithers was a goat.
Sam: W-Woody, why... Why don't you take a break?
Woody: Again? Man, this day is flying!
Frasier: You know what the most painful thing about it is? I... I didn't see it coming. Lilith had an affair. I had no idea. Now she's leaving me and... There were no signs. Do you know what I mean, Sam? Sam?
Sam: I'm sorry. I'm still back on Mr. Smithers.

Quote from Dark Imaginings

Diane: Does Sam's behavior give you pause? Methinks the man does protest too much.
Woody: Excuse me, Miss Chambers, but shouldn't it be "l thinks"?
Carla: Not in your case, Woody.

Quote from Cliffie's Big Score

Cliff: But I understand the postmaster general is gonna make the toast.
Woody: Wow, a man of his position helping out in the kitchen. Only in America.

Quote from Relief Bartender

Sam: Boy, yeah, you know, you really surprised me here. l... You're a pretty tough negotiator.
Woody: Ah, yeah, Sam, boy, I know you think I'm just a country bumpkin. And the Boyd family may not be too sharp about a lot of things. I mean, we don't know much about math. We don't know much about science. We don't know much about politics. We don't know much about medicine. We don't know much about world affairs, but I'll tell you, there's something we're pretty darned sharp about.
Sam: What's that?
Woody: What were we talking about?
Sam: Machinery.
Woody: Oh, we don't know much about machinery. I'll tell you, my uncle, he lost his arm in some kind of contraption...

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