Woody: Yeah, I took my fair share of ribbing back in Hanover.
Norm: Yeah?
Woody: "Little Einstein" they called me. "Mr. Smarty Pants." "Brainiac." Yep. I've heard 'em all.
Norm: Before I die, I got to see that town.

Woody: Yeah, maybe things just didn't work out in Canada. Yeah, I'll never forget when my Uncle Orlo left Hanover to seek his fortune in the big city. You know what happened? Terre Haute just chewed him up and spit him out. Yep, he came back with his head between his legs.
Sam: Actually, I think the expression is "tail between his legs."
Woody: Oh, no, there was a train accident on the way back. Yep. It's a real tragedy. Yeah, a year later, he drowned in a sitz bath.

Mr. Gaines: Oh, it's, uh, nothing important. Just, uh, some silly forms giving me power of attorney over all of your affairs. You see, the Gaines estate is wide and varied. And now that you're married to Kelly, you're part of that estate.
Woody: I'm not sure I understand all this.
Mr. Gaines: Oh, let me put it in Hanover-ese, Woody. You know how a turkey, when, uh, it feeds at the trough, will eat until it dies? Well, these forms give me the right now that you're feeding at the Gaines trough to pull your head away if I think you're gonna choke.
Woody: Well, turkeys don't choke, Mr. Gaines, they explode. Well, the one clue you get is you... You hear this hissing sound just before they blow. Now, you hear a turkey hissing, head for the hills. Turkey shrapnel can kill you.

Woody: Boy, Dr. Sternin-Crane having an affair with another guy. Mm, this reminds me of a terrible scandal we had back in Hanover. Rocked the whole town to its core. Mayor's wife ran off with old Mr. Smithers.
Frasier: Oh, that's not so scandalous, Woody.
Woody: Well, Mr. Smithers was a goat.
Sam: W-Woody, why... Why don't you take a break?
Woody: Again? Man, this day is flying!
Frasier: You know what the most painful thing about it is? I... I didn't see it coming. Lilith had an affair. I had no idea. Now she's leaving me and... There were no signs. Do you know what I mean, Sam? Sam?
Sam: I'm sorry. I'm still back on Mr. Smithers.

Diane: Does Sam's behavior give you pause? Methinks the man does protest too much.
Woody: Excuse me, Miss Chambers, but shouldn't it be "l thinks"?
Carla: Not in your case, Woody.

Woody: I can't believe Kelly would be so mad at me just 'cause I stood up to Henri. It's like she's starting to like him better than me. Hey, Sam, you don't think that maybe they've been to...
Sam: To the back of the barn?
Woody: I was gonna say to bed together. What- What is the back of the barn? What does that mean? That- That's- That's where the compost heap is. I can't think of any place less romantic.

Cliff: So, uh, what'd I miss? Why- Why is that girl, uh, running around screaming at everybody?
Norm: Well, she's trying to convince them that, uh, that Godzilla's merely confused and not really trying to hurt them.
Cliff: Isn't that the part usually played by Akiro Nakamoto?
Norm: Yeah, yeah. But, uh, she left halfway through the Godzilla series.
Woody: I don't understand. Why would an actress leave right in the middle of a successful series?

Cliff: But I understand the postmaster general is gonna make the toast.
Woody: Wow, a man of his position helping out in the kitchen. Only in America.

Sam: Boy, yeah, you know, you really surprised me here. l... You're a pretty tough negotiator.
Woody: Ah, yeah, Sam, boy, I know you think I'm just a country bumpkin. And the Boyd family may not be too sharp about a lot of things. I mean, we don't know much about math. We don't know much about science. We don't know much about politics. We don't know much about medicine. We don't know much about world affairs, but I'll tell you, there's something we're pretty darned sharp about.
Sam: What's that?
Woody: What were we talking about?
Sam: Machinery.
Woody: Oh, we don't know much about machinery. I'll tell you, my uncle, he lost his arm in some kind of contraption...

Carla: Hey, Wood, do you want in?
Woody: I don't think so. You know, when I left home, my father gave me some very sound advice. "Never trust a man who can't look ya in the eye. Never talk when you can listen. And never spend venture capital on a limited partnership without a detailed, analytical fiduciary prospectus."