Norm: All this talk about romance gives me a warm spot right here.
Cliff: Yeah.
Norm: Or was it that meal I had at the Hungry Heifer? Oh, yes, yes, yes. I went back for their special chicken dinner.
Cliff: What was it?
Norm: A bowl of pellets and a handful of grain.

Norm: [enters] Afternoon, everybody.
All: Norm!
Sam: Hey, Normie, what would you like?
Norm: I don't know. You got anything pale and cold?
Carla: Yeah, but it's Diane's day off.
Norm: I'll have a beer then, I guess.

Sam: Listen, is it possible this Ludlow fellow hasn't been seeing you two because he's been spending all his time with Carla?
Frasier: Yes, Sam. Either that or he had to finish his paper route on Mars. [Diane laughs] I'm sorry, Sam, you had to feel the sting of my wit, but it's a ludicrous question.

Sam: Are you OK?
Carla: Would you knock it off? Okay, okay. You're all going to know eventually so you might as well know now. I turned Benny down and I'm pregnant again. So, in case your math is bad, that makes six. Count them, six kids for an unmarried woman. I don't want your sappy looks. I don't want your charity. I don't want your sympathy. As a matter of fact, I don't even want to talk about this anymore. I just want to be left alone to live my life. Got it?
Sam: Got it. [everyone goes back to their business]
Carla: What are you people made of, stone?

Frasier: Coach, he's only one of the giants of psychiatry. Author, innovator, educator, and I'm not ashamed to say my idol and inspiration.
Norm: All right, you lean over and pretend to admire his tie tack, and you just nibble the morsel off real quick. Who's the wiser?
Diane: Sam is right. We have to tell him.
Frasier: Of course you're right. Oh, Sam, may we have three brandies, please? And I guess I'm the one who should tell him. After all, I'm the one who suggested beef Wellington.
Norm: Beef Wellington, you say? Where's that tie? Show me.

Cliff: Uh, Say, Norm?
Norm: Yes, Cliff?
Cliff: You seem to have a spot there on your tie.
Norm: So I do, so I do. Thank you, Cliffie, for pointing that out. You know, if more people were as conscientious as you are, I think we could wipe out social embarrassment in our times.
Cliff: Well, don't thank me, Norm. Periodic tie checks are the duty of every American citizen. [Dr. Ludlow walks away]
Norm: Did he look at his tie?
Cliff: No.
Norm: So much for subtlety. All right. You just start a fire for diversion. I'll hose him down.

Sam: Now wait a minute. Wait a minute. There are two mysteries going on here. First, Carla's been seeing this obviously very classy guy. And second, your pal's been avoiding two of you like the plague. Of course, that's the lesser of the two mysteries.
Frasier: Sam, you're talking about one of the most distinguished and accomplished men of letters I know, dating a common barmaid.
Sam: You're dating a barmaid.
Frasier: Well, she wasn't a barmaid when I met her.
Sam: Oh, that's right. That's right. She was a lunatic.

Diane: Frasier is in a very fragile state of mind. Your asinine theories, while suitable fodder for inane bar conversation, do nothing to ease his bitter pique.
Sam: Wait a minute a here. The one word I understood in that, I don't exactly care for. My theory's not asinine.
Diane: You're right. It's a lot worse. Think of the two of them together. [Dr. Ludlow enters the bar] Bennett Ludlow and Carla? It's hair-brained. Just imagine it! Well, you don't have to imagine it, there it is now. Have you ever seen... [screams]
Sam: No, I guess I haven't.
Frasier: Diane, what's... [screams]

Carla: You know, Benny here may look like a stiff, but he's really out for a good time.
Dr. Ludlow: I was drawn to Carla right from the start. Well, there's something so sensual, so earthy about her.
Carla: By the way, didn't any of you suspect anything?
Sam: No, no, I think you would have had to be a real brain to figure this one out, don't you think, Frasier?
Cliff: Uh, how come you kept this relationship such a secret, huh?
Carla: Well, that's the way me and Big Ben wanted it. Our backgrounds are a little different, which is a slight problem. I mean, if word starts getting around you're seeing a guy who tucks his T-shirt in his undershorts, then your reputation is shot to hell.
Dr. Ludlow: And I had similar reasons to be discrete.

Diane: Carla, I couldn't help noticing you're not exactly leaping for joy. Bennett Ludlow is a wonderful catch.
Carla: Yeah, well, there's some things he doesn't know about me.
Diane: Well, a little mystery is good for a marriage. What haven't you told him?
Carla: Well, I haven't been completely honest about my kids.
Diane: What haven't you told him about them?
Carla: That they live.
Diane: He doesn't know you have children? Carla, I think you'd better tell him. He's going to wonder who those little people are running around your place.
Carla: I was hoping he'd be too polite to ask.