Frasier: Woody, you only feel that you're a liar because you endorsed a product you don't like. But what if you could actually learn to like it?
Woody: How am I gonna learn to like broccoli, cauliflower and kale?
Norm: Well, Wood, some things you have to sort of develop a taste for slowly, you know? All right, look, uh, give me a beer, okay? Now, we'll put a stalk of broccoli in that beer, okay? Now you drink the beer and the beer taste is gonna kill the taste of the broccoli, but slowly you'll get used to it, okay? Go ahead.
Woody: We don't have any broccoli.
Norm: Well, thanks for the beer.

Norm: Hey, Woodster! How was that first night in your new apartment?
Woody: It's great, Mr. Peterson.
Norm: Yeah?
Woody: It's the nicest place I've ever stayed at. And that includes the night in Hanover I got locked in the storeroom in the Piggly Wiggly. It was cold and lonely, but the food! Anyway, it's no Piggly Wiggly, but it's got cable.
Norm: All right.
Tony: Is it furnished?
Woody: Well, no, but it's got this cable that comes right out of the wall, fits right into the TV.
Norm: I hope it's in a safer neighborhood than that last dive of yours.
Woody: Well, no, actually, it's a little worse, but it's got cable.
Cliff: Well, if it's unfurnished, you must be getting a break in the rent, huh?
Woody: Well, no, it's actually a little more, but you got to expect that with cable.
Sam: Well, whatever. I think cable's great. They had Robocop on last night. Did you catch that?
Woody: No. The cable was out last night.

Rebecca: Oh, relax. Woody, you poor thing! You have to stop worrying. You're gonna do just fine! You're going to do a great job. Don't you think, Carla?
Carla: I think he's gonna bomb.
Norm: At what?
Carla: Beats me, but I think I'm on pretty safe ground.

Frasier: Woody, perhaps it would help you to to rehearse your lines with us.
Cliff: Yeah.
Woody: I only have one. [Sam chuckles] "I like it."
Frasier: That's a very nice line, Woody.
Sam: Patronizing, right?
Frasier: Now you're getting it.

Norm: Hey, Wood, can I go? Come on. I never saw a commercial be shot or anything like that.
Cliff: Yeah! Yeah, me, neither. You know, believe it or not, it's one of the few things I don't know much about.
Woody: I mean, if you guys all come down there with me, it's gonna look like I'm some big snobby star with an entourage.
Norm: All right. Well, uh, heck with it. We'll just stay here. You tell us about it later.
Woody: No, I like the idea. You guys can be my people, all right?
Cliff: Hey, hey.
Norm: Yeah.
Woody: I got another idea. We'll all stop at the mall. We'll pick up satin jackets and matching sunglasses.
Norm: There you go. Come on.
Woody: That door's not just gonna open itself.

Norm: Yeah, I got one of these, uh, trivia napkins.
Sam: Hey! My trivia napkins!
Norm: Yeah, yeah. I've been carrying it around. It's kind of a conversation starter, you know? Go ahead, ask me the question, Sammy.
Sam: All right, all right.
Cliff: You guys and your precious trivia napkins! If you love them so much, why don't you marry them?! [rips it up]
Sam: Oh, come on, man! Lighten up, will you?
Cliff: Oh! And by the way, Normie, I'm the one who sucked all the filling out of the Bavarian creme! [sucks another pastry]

Woody: Guys, I'm ready. How do I look?
Norm: All right. You look great. You got you got, like, junk all over your face, man.
Woody: Oh, pancake.
Norm: Whoa. Is there a steam table around here I'm missing?
Woody: No, no, no. Pancake is the makeup they use in show business. It's real thick and real heavy, and it covers every flaw.
Norm: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Vera uses that for primer.

Woody: Oh, hey. So this is Veggie-Boy! Should I taste it first?
Man: No, no, don't drink that. We sprayed it with high-gloss latex so it'll look better under the lights. We do it with all the food we're shooting. Hey, there's supposed to be a bowl of beer nuts around here.
Norm: Sammy, you got to get these kind of nuts for the bar. They slide right down. It's great.

Carla: Woody, when is the commercial gonna be on? I've seen this Quincy five times.
Woody: It's coming right up, Carla, next break.
Carla: Some coroner. Every week, he has to dig up the body to find something he missed the first time. [Norm scoffs] Oh! What a surprise! He found a bullet in the skull!

Woody: Wow! My first Veggie-Boy!
Norm: All right, yeah!
Man: [on TV] Veggie-Boy is chock-full of all the vegetables...
Woody: [spits out] Oh, it's disgusting!
Rebecca: Woody, shh, shh, shh, shh! Look, you're on channel seven!
Woody: [on TV] I like it!
Woody: I don't like it! I hate it!
Woody: [on TV] I like it.
Woody: Shut up, Woody!
Woody: [on TV] I like it!
Woody: You hate it! You're a liar. A filthy, rotten liar!
Woody: [on TV] I like it! I like it! I like it!
Woody: Somebody make him stop!