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Truce or Consequences

‘Truce or Consequences’

Season 1, Episode 8 -  Aired November 18, 1982

After Sam encourages Carla and Diane to stop their endless bickering, the pair get drunk together and Carla reveals a big secret.

Quote from Carla

Diane: This is fun, isn't it? Easy give-and-take between two working gals. You know, I think we're coming together.
Carla: That's the Open Grave. Give it another 15 minutes, you'll be French-kissing the sump pump. [both laugh]

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Quote from Diane

Diane: No, seriously. We're connecting, I'm certain of it. Yeah. People need people. I'm a people person. I can be there for you, I wanna be there for you. Please, benefit from my depth. This stuff. Great.
Carla: You would do that for me? You'd listen to me?
Diane: With all my heart, mind and soul.

Quote from Carla

Sam: Well, I'm gonna take her home. Will you get her things for me?
Carla: Sure.
Sam: Did you straighten everything out?
Carla: Oh, yeah. You know, it was great. She got sickening, and I told the biggest lie I could think of and she started to sing.
Sam: Why did you do that?
Carla: [laughs] She brings out the devil in me. I dunno. I was getting a buzz on feeling loose. I just decided to have some fun with her.
Sam: Well, what did you tell her?
Carla: Sam, it's something I told Diane and she swore she would never tell another living soul. She'll tell you tomorrow.

Quote from Diane

Diane: Good evening.
All: Hi, Diane. How are you?
Diane: [holds head] Ssh. Ssh.
Carla: Hey, Sis, how's my buddy feeling today?
Diane: Well... I got up this morning, washed my face. I shaved my tongue. I came right in. However, no regrets. Evenings like that come seldom in a lifetime. How are you, Carla?
Carla: Oh, fine, thanks.
Diane: And how is poor little Gino?
Carla: Ssh.

Quote from Sam

Sam: A little hung over, are we?
Diane: I can't keep anything from you.
Sam: You know, I know something to stop hangovers.
Diane: Oh, thank God. What is it?
Sam: Don't drink so much.
Diane: Thank you.

Quote from Diane

Diane: But thank you, Sam. Truly. For getting Carla and I together at last.
Sam: You're welcome.
Diane: She really is a wonderful woman, isn't she?
Sam: Yeah. She's all right.
Diane: And her children are truly wonderful, too.
Sam: Yeah, if you like, uh, chainsaws with feet.
Diane: But I understand that Gino is an extraordinarily fine young man.
Sam: Which one's he?
Diane: He's... who he is.

Quote from Carla

Carla: Wow-ee. A whole quarter. I'm gonna name the Ferrari after you.
Man: Now look here, miss-
Carla: No, you look-
Sam: Hey, Carla, my office now.
Carla: A quarter, that's a whole dollar below insult.

Quote from Carla

Carla: Look, Whitey, I'm sorry. I know I can be a real pain sometimes.
Diane: And I know that I take things a little too seriously at times. I guess I need to be reminded of that.
Carla: Well, I'll always be there for you.
Sam: Listen, I want you two to shake hands. [Carla and Diane shake hands]
Carla: You're all right. Hey, maybe we can go to a movie one night.
Diane: Fine. When?
Carla: I'll get back to you.

Quote from Carla

Sam: Now, somebody, please, tell me what's going on.
Diane: Last night, out of the goodness of my heart, I reached out to this little twerp. And she deliberately duped me into believing that you were the father of one of her children.
Sam: Me?
Diane: Yes. She referred to it as a joke. Snicker, snicker.
Carla: I told her we fooled around once and Gino was the result.
Sam: Gino? You told her that you and...? And you thought that she and l...? Gino? [laughs] Your Gino?
Carla: [laughs] You should have seen her face. Her chin was in her lap.
Diane: Of course, laugh at the fool. Laugh at my expense.
Sam: Show her a picture of Gino.
Carla: Oh, yeah, OK. [Diane starts laughing as Carla displays her wallet] You think he's funny-looking. You wanna see what makes Gino laugh? His real dad. [all laugh]
[As Sam, Diane and Carla laugh, Coach walks in to see what's going on. Without anybody saying anything, he starts laughing, too.]

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