Sam: Check the locks twice, OK?
Diane: Aye, aye, captain.
Sam: And make sure the lights over the bar are out.
Diane: Lights over the bar. Right. Goodnight.
Sam: Maybe check the thermostat.
Diane: We'll do that, yes. Thank you, goodnight and goodbye. [closes the door]
[As Sam walks up the stairs outside Cheers, he taps on the window]
Sam: I have no life insurance. Just this place.
Diane: Goodnight.

Diane: OK, let's sit down, relax and open the lines of communication.
Carla: I want a drink.
Diane: Wonderful. Let's have a bottle of wine. I think we've got your favorite. Chateau Guam.

Diane: Well, Carla, thank you. I'm honored. You're really getting into the spirit of this thing. Uh, what's the drink?
Carla: A family recipe. We call it Leap Into An Open Grave.
Diane: You're kidding. [laughs]
Carla: My Uncle Joe stumbled across it when he was making a car bomb.
Diane: [laughs] You're kidding, right? Carla?
Carla: [runs the blender] One for good luck. [gets two large glasses]
Diane: Oh, Nice touch.
Carla: Now, keep the glasses moving so the fumes don't burn a hole in the ceiling.
Diane: [drinks] Delicious. And it goes right to your head.
Carla: No one in my family lives past 43.

Diane: Sam. Sam did this? He's a beast.
Carla: No. Sam's been really good about it. I mean, he's always helped out with the kid. I've never blamed him for anything. I mean, it's as much my fault as his.
Diane: But you bore the child, you're raising the child. You plucky little soldier, you.
Carla: Diane, um... Sam and I are the only ones that know, understand?
Diane: Oh, Carla, I... I just wanna hug you right now.
Carla: I feel kinda close to you, too.
Diane: [sings] People... People who need people...
Carla: Good God.
Diane: Carla, my gumba. [passes out in Carla's arms]
Carla: I like somebody who knows when she's had enough.

Norm: Well, I've got to get home to the little lady. Tonight's my tenth wedding anniversary.
All: Congratulations.
Sam: Big plans, huh?
Norm: The biggest. We're going out for a pizza. Yeah, it gets me back here about ten o'clock.

Diane: No, I won't do it. I won't give her the satisfaction. She's just waiting for me to break her confidence. She can play me for the fool, but she will not tarnish my dignity. [to Cliff] This is none of your concern. [to Carla] Hello, my friend, my dearest confidante. How's your rotten, lying little mouth?
Carla: Got you.
Diane: "One thing led to another, and then Gino was born."
Carla: I knew it. I knew you'd tell. You had to tell somebody our secret to find out.
Diane: That's beside the point.
Carla: No, it isn't. I knew you couldn't keep it. You hold your secrets like your booze.

Cliff: I think Sammy can handle that one, huh, Coach?
Coach: Gee, I hate to see that kind of thing between women.
Cliff: Yeah, I know what you mean, Coach. Women fighting is very unladylike. Unless, of course, they're wallowing around in mudpits.

Sam: Hey, come on, Diane, Carla, you go at each other every night. We're getting scouts in here from the roller derby. Listen, I mean it. You guys do something about this, or I'm gonna... I'm gonna think about personnel changes.
Carla: Oh, what choice do we have, Sam? We don't like each other.
Diane: No, Carla, Sam's... [Carla walks away] Carla. Sam's making good sense. You could knock me over with a feather, but he is. We need to sit down together and talk this out.
Carla: That's nuts. What's there to talk about?
Sam: Listen. I want you to sit down and settle this, or else.
Diane: We'll do it.
Sam: Carla?
Carla: Do it.
Diane: Can we use this table?
Sam: Oh, you mean here? No, no. You know, I was thinking more along the lines of your homes or a coffee shop. Uh, down by the docks, maybe.

Diane: Sam. We'll lock up, don't worry about it. Now is the time. This is the place. Unchecked rage is like a festering wound.
Carla: Laughs aplenty tonight.
Sam: Look. You expect me to I leave the two of you down here without a referee?
Diane: Come on. What could happen, huh?
Sam: Uh, nothing, nothing. Two women left alone, who hate each other, in a room filled with glass and alcohol. Silly.

Carla: Okay, I don't know what we're talking for. We're totally different people. We're never going to get along.
Diane: We're not totally different.
Carla: Name one similarity.
Diane: Well, we... We're both women.
Carla: Why do I get the feeling that we're jerking our chain, here?
Diane: No, there's more. We both share the same job. Of course, I'm not as good at it as you are.
Carla: It doesn't take a genius to notice. But thank you.
Diane: You know, Carla, I particularly admire the way you handle passes.
Carla: Yeah?
Diane: Yeah. A guy in the back room tonight asked me if I wanted to play something called, "The Shepherdess And The Hun".
Carla: [laughs] Which part did he want you to play?