‘The Triangle’
Season 4, Episode 15 - Aired January 23, 1986
Diane concocts a plan to cheer Frasier up by having Sam pretend to be depressed.
Quote from Frasier
Frasier: Hey, Woody, pour me a beer, will you? Thanks.
Diane: Sam, do it for Frasier, your friend.
Frasier: [takes his beer] Now, there's a head I can shrink.
Quote from Sam
Diane: Well, I can tell by the look on your face and Frasier's that it didn't go well.
Sam: Not only did it not work, but I had to tell another man that my equipment was on the fritz. It was humiliating.
Diane: Well, I really appreciate that you gave it a try, Sam.
Sam: Thank you. Oh, wait a minute. You still owe me a favor here, don't you?
Diane: Oh, I suppose I do. Do you have something in mind?
Sam: Yeah, let's go to bed.
Diane: Sam, have you forgotten my caveats?
Sam: Almost. I was hoping to refresh my memory.
Quote from Diane
Sam: Frasier thinks I'm depressed because I'm in love with you.
Diane: Oh, dear. I didn't see that coming.
Sam: Yeah. Well, I'm gonna go back in there and tell him the truth before this gets even more ridiculous.
Diane: Oh, Sam. Didn't you see the bounce in that man's step? The twinkle in his eye? Let him think he made a good diagnosis. What harm could it possibly do?
Sam: Oh, I don't know. As long as you don't think I'm in love with you.
Diane: Well, I don't.
Sam: All right.
Diane: Not entirely. At all. Much. Not a bit. Mostly.
Quote from Norm
Norm: [enters] Afternoon, everybody.
All: Norm!
Woody: What can I get you, Mr. Peterson?
Norm: Clifford Clavin's head.
Woody: Well, what are you upset with Mr Clavin about?
Norm: I spent the whole day yesterday at Cliff's house at a painting party, and I was the only one who showed up. I painted all day while Cliff and his mother argued over who forgot to pick up the food and beer.
Woody: Well, did they at least thank you for your hard work?
Norm: Well, Woody, that depends if you consider "your friend sweats like a mule" a thank you.
Woody: No, that's really more like polite conversation.
Quote from Cliff
Cliff: Hey, what a party. What a night. Hey, Norm. Tell me, did I make an ass out of myself, huh?
Al: I'd bet on it.
Quote from Sam
Diane: Then, of course, it's my turn.
Sam: Yeah, right. What do you say to me?
Diane: I look you in the eyes and I say, "You're not so bad yourself."
Sam: No, no, no. Come on. After what I just said to you? No, no, no. It's gotta be more... Something like, "l love you so much, I can't stand it. As far as I'm concerned, you're the only person in the world that matters to me, and I'd jump at the chance to be your love slave."
Diane: Whatever.
Quote from Sam
Sam: What else did you seem to enjoy?
Diane: Everything else was fine. Just the ear nibbles were annoying. I'm only bringing this up because there's no longer anything between us, and we've grown so.
Sam: Yeah, yeah. Grown. You know, while we're on the subject here, you remember that little yellow nightie you used to wear?
Diane: As I recall, I never wore it very long. You loved that nightie.
Sam: No, no, you just thought I loved it.
Diane: You didn't love it?
Sam: It made you look like a big banana. [laughs] It's good that we can laugh like this, right?
Quote from Sam
Diane: I can't believe I paraded around in that damn nightgown thinking I was arousing you, and instead, I was amusing you.
Sam: It wasn't amusing that long. I mean, after a while, it got kind of sad.
Diane: Why didn't you tell me?
Sam: Well, because I knew we'd get in a fight, and you'd end up saying that you hate me.
Diane: Well, I do hate you, Sam.
Sam: Well, I hate you, Diane.
Diane: You're incapable of any originality. Now, you just said you hate me because I said I hate you.
Sam: All right, fine. I'll change mine. Yours was "l hate you." Mine will be "l hate you!"
Frasier: [enters] Oh, great. And I just bought three Italian suits.
Diane: Oh, shut up, Frasier!
Frasier: Oh, Sam, what happened here?
Sam: Well, the same thing that always happens. She's a nut. She's certifiably insane.
Frasier: Look, Sam, is that any way to talk to the woman you love?
Quote from Sam
Diane: Well?
Sam: Well, what?
Diane: What do you think about what Frasier said?
Sam: Frasier's a pretty sharp guy.
Diane: Well, we agree on something. What's next?
Sam: Well, if this is hell, I'm... I'm not that unhappy.
Diane: Then we agree on something else.
Sam: Yeah. Hey, I only said that... That I didn't like your nightgown because you said that you didn't like my ear nibbles.
Diane: Well, I would've liked your ear nibbles if you hadn't sounded so much like a chipmunk.
Sam: Well, I'd rather sound like a chipmunk than look like a banana.
Quote from Cliff
Diane: He's lost his self-esteem. Without that, how can he hope to practice his profession?
Sam: You know what Frasier needs? He needs to come out of the bullpen and get his first out. You know, get his confidence back, his rhythm.
Diane: Sam, you're right. If he could only cure someone. Do we know someone with a problem? [everyone looks at Cliff]
Cliff: Yeah, stumper.