‘The Little Match Girl’
Season 11, Episode 1 - Aired September 24, 1992
Rebecca takes stock of her life following Woody and Kelly's wedding, vowing not to be screw-up any more. After the guys close up the bar, Sam is called back hours later by a fireman to say there's been a fire at Cheers.
Quote from Carla
Carla: Okay, Sammy, I'm going home. I put away all the glasses. The, uh, bottles are in the storeroom, and all the rest of the garbage from the wedding's in the office.
Sam: Thank you, honey, I'll lock up. Where's Rebecca?
Carla: Just told you, she's in the office.
Quote from Rebecca
Sam: You okay?
Rebecca: Yeah, I'm just thinking, you know. Weddings always make me do that. I have nothing to show for my life.
Sam: Oh, come on. You're being a little harsh on yourself, aren't you? I mean, come on, take a look at today, right? The wedding started to fall apart. You pulled the whole thing together.
Rebecca: Yeah, I sort of did, didn't l?
Sam: You bet you did.
Rebecca: You know, you know, I used to think that if I married a millionaire or if I had a baby, I'd be a better person, but now I realize that the only thing that's gonna make me a better person is me.
Sam: Boy, as scary as that sounds, it's true.
Rebecca: In fact, you see this cigarette? This is the last cigarette I'm gonna smoke forever. [Sam chuckles] This is gonna be my my symbol of change, you know, the old Rebecca burning away. And I'll tell you something else. Starting tomorrow, there's gonna be no more whining and no more complaining. I am gonna be the best manager in the whole world.
Sam: [chuckles] Okay, good night.
Rebecca: I gotta get my life together. No more screw ups. No more mistakes. Good-bye, old Rebecca.
Quote from Carla
Carla: Sammy, this is terrible. You know, it just hurts me just to look at this place.
Sam: I know, I know. But I'll tell you something. As soon as the insurance kicks in, we're gonna get this place back on its feet in a couple of weeks. I just wish I knew how it started.
Carla: Hold it right there. What are you saying, Sammy? That a Tortelli kid would torch his mother's place of business just for spite?
Sam: No, I'd never think that.
Carla: Why not? It's plausible.
Quote from John Allen Hill
Rebecca: Somebody said there'd been a fire. Oh, my God, I had no idea it was this bad. Sam, what happened?
Sam: We don't know yet, sweetheart. But don't worry, everything's gonna be fine. I've already called the contractor, phone company, the electric guy. I think that's everybody.
John: Sam?
Sam: Well, almost everybody.
John: Well, Sam, I see you monkeys have discovered fire. Would you like to come upstairs and see the damage at Melville's?
Sam: You know, why not? It might even cheer me up.
Quote from Woody
Kelly: Hi, everybody.
Woody: What happened here?
Rebecca: Woody, we had a fire.
Woody: Oh, no. This is terrible. This is Cheers, my home for the past seven years, the place where I grew up, and now look at it.
Carla: You ought to see the pool table. It actually fused to the floor.
Woody: Really? Cool.
Quote from Rebecca
Fire Marshal Dobbins: Well, I discovered the cause of the fire. Same old story. Some idiot tosses a cigarette into a trash can, and the whole thing goes up.
Rebecca: Are you sure?
Fire Marshal Dobbins: Yeah, seen it 100 times. When are people gonna learn? [Rebecca hyperventilates] Are you all right?
Rebecca: Uh-huh, I'm fine. Oh, my God. Oh, my God, oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God, oh, my God.
Frasier: You know, I couldn't help overhearing that conversation. Wild guess: Your cigarette?
Rebecca: No.
Frasier: Rebecca, you burned down the bar, didn't you?
Rebecca: What, am I wearing a sign?
Frasier: Are you gonna tell Sam?
Rebecca: Could you?
Frasier: I don't really think it's my place.
Rebecca: No, I mean, could you tell him you did it?
Quote from Rebecca
Frasier: Rebecca, you have a very difficult choice to make. My advice to you is to simply tell Sam the truth. He's gonna find out about it in any event.
Rebecca: You're right. He will. All right, I'll tell him. And I mean, he's a friend of mine, and it was an accident. He'll understand, won't he? Okay. Thank you, I feel better. [footsteps] Sam? Could I talk to you a second?
Sam: Yeah.
Rebecca: Sam, we found out how the fire got started.
Sam: You're kidding.
Rebecca: No, and- and the guy said, you know, he's seen it happen seen it a lot.
Sam: How did it happen?
Rebecca: What l- l'm getting to that, it's just sort of hard to say.
Sam: Please tell me.
Rebecca: All right, all right, l... l'll... The fire was started by... faulty wiring.
Sam: Faulty wiring?
Rebecca: Faulty wiring.
Sam: Been meaning to take care of that for years. My God. I burned down my own bar.
Rebecca: Oh, Sam.
Sam: Oh!
Rebecca: It's gonna be okay. We all make stupid mistakes.
Sam: No. [both crying]
Quote from Sam
Sam: Well, I called the insurance company. We're not getting a penny.
Rebecca: What?!
Sam: Well, it turns out that my insurance policy, uh, had a $25,000 deductible.
Frasier: Isn't that rather high, Sam?
Sam: Yes, it is, Mr. Where The Hell Were You When the Agent Was Talking a Mile a Minute?
Quote from Sam
Ms. Kurland: Your monthly cash flow is, uh, this figure here? And now you want us to grant you a loan?
Sam: Yes, please, and by the end of the day, too. Thank you.
Ms. Kurland: Uh-huh. Am I on one of those programs with the hidden camera?
Sam: Oh, no, l- l'm afraid you're not.
Ms. Kurland: I know I'm not. I was making a point. Mr. Malone, there is no way we can grant you a loan.
Sam: I've been to every bank in town. They've all said no. Listen, oh, come on, you know, you're supposed to be the friendly bank. Remember, you know... [sings] We're the friendly bank.
Ms. Kurland: Mr. Malone.
Sam: Oh, come on. I've seen the commercial. You know, you- you're supposed to sweep everything off your desk here and offer me a cup of coffee. You don't even have any coffee here!
Ms. Kurland: Mr. Malone, good afternoon!
Sam: Oh, please. Don't you remember? You know... [sings] You and us Working it out together.
Ms. Kurland: [over intercom] Doris, do send in Security now.
Sam: [sings] You know, You and us Making the world better
Quote from Sam
Sam: There's another way. I just thought of another way. See, I can get this money. All I have to do is, uh, come up with a simple product that America needs.
Carla: What?
Sam: No. Listen to me. You know, like- like the Pet Rock. Or the, uh You know, the vacuum thing that- that cuts your hair at the same time. Or- Or maybe even, you know, the- the toilet duck. You- You know, just throw it together from scraps around here, you know, and-and sell millions of 'em. You know, why didn't l, uh, think of that before?
Frasier: Sam, you're just making this harder on yourself.
Sam: Yeah. Uh, yeah. Yeah.
Cliff: You know, they, uh, stole that toilet duck idea from me.
Norm: Hmm?
Cliff: Yeah. Yeah, you see, uh, in my original sketches, I had it as a goat.