Lilith: Frasier, don't use your gold card. I exceeded the limit this morning buying biodegradable diapers. They're not cheap, they're not pretty, but they'll disintegrate within 50 years.
Frasier: She loves her earth.
Lilith: And look at these marvelous toys I bought today.
Frasier: Oh, our child will love these. I'm sure he can't wait to be born. Monochromatic, high contrast...
Woody: What, did they run out of colors?
Frasier: Oh, no, Woody. You see, tests have proven that simple black and white geometric designs stimulate the young infant's mind to a remarkable degree.
Woody: Oh, I don't know. I was raised on pink and blue, and look how I turned out.
Cliff: In your face, doc.
Lilith: The evidence at hand notwithstanding, current child development experts agree that infants respond with great excitement to toys like these.
Norm: Whoo. Yeah. They say "this stuff cost a fortune. My parents must be rich."

Lilith: What about Russell and Pam?
Frasier: Oh, hang Russell and Pam. They just want to weasel some free psychological advice out of us anyway. So, Rebecca, go on about your dreams.
Rebecca: I guess you could say the main problem is that this guy who's... I don't know, I guess you could say he's starring in these dreams... Is somebody I definitely should not be dreaming about.
Frasier: Ah... Because even though he's a sexy and successful doctor, he's also happily married and about to be a father. Yes. There is no fruit so sweet as that which is forbidden.
Lilith: Frasier, stop before you embarrass yourself further.
Frasier: What?
Lilith: Darling, you're the love of my life, but even I don't have erotic dreams about you.

Rebecca: Just please tell me that it's not Sam Malone in my dreams, so I don't have to take a bath with my electric toaster.
Frasier: Well, Rebecca, there are those who believe that dream imagery is basically symbolic. If you subscribe to that theory, Sam could signify any number of things... It could be a need for you to get back in touch with your inner self. It could be spiritual awakening. It could be you and your god.
Lilith: It's Sam.
Frasier: It's Sam.
Rebecca: It's Sam. Oh, god, some evil, disgusting, perverted little part of me is attracted to Sam. I'm going to kill him.
Frasier: Now, Rebecca, it's not his fault. Sam doesn't know what your dreams are.
Rebecca: You're right. And he can never know. Because if it ever, ever got out that I've been having sex dreams all week about Sam, I could never ever show my face in this bar again.
Frasier: Well, fear not. You have confided in professionals. Your trust is sacred.
Rebecca: Thank you.
[As Rebecca, Frasier and Lilith walk away, Sam winds up the shutters next to the booth, where he's been working on the window]

Pete: Hey, how did you find out, Sammy?
Sam: Well, I accidentally overheard Rebecca telling Frasier and Lilith.
Norm: Shrinks get all the great scam, huh?
Cliff: You ought to get an earful of a mailman's day, pal.
Norm: Yeah, I do, Cliff.

Sam: Where's Rebecca?
Norm: She's in the office. Wait a second. You're not going to put the moves on her here in the bar, are you, Sammy?
Sam: Well, I figure if I try it here and something goes wrong, I'll just be embarrassed in front of you guys. But if I sneak into her apartment and something goes wrong, I'll be embarrassed in the back of a squad car. Let's pour this into a saucepan and put a little low flame under it.
Cliff: You're not going to try to put her to sleep with a warm cup of milk, are you?
Sam: Excuse me, Cliff, but have you slept with over 1,000 women?
Cliff: Put a low flame under it, Woody. Stop just before it makes a skin.

Sam: Uh, Rebecca, could I speak to you for a second? Listen, I know I upset you in the office this morning.
Rebecca: No, no, no. It's me who should be apologizing. I'm sorry. I was going through something that was sort of personal, but I really shouldn't have taken it out on you.
Sam: Oh, no, that's OK. Sit down here for a minute. ["Rainfall sounds" tape plays] You know, you're probably just a little off because you're so tired, so very... Very tired.
Rebecca: Is it raining outside? I hope I remembered to put the windows up on my car.
Sam: I'm sure you did. I'm very, very sure.
Rebecca: Why are you talking so slowly?
Sam: Does it seem like I'm talking slowly? It's probably just because you're so... Very, very tired.
Rebecca: You're right. I am tired. I haven't slept well all week.
Sam: No kidding. Why don't you go take a nap?
Rebecca: No, I can't do that. There's too much work out here. Oh, what the hell, you guys do all the work around here anyway. Carla, will you take my calls? I'm going to take a short nap.

Cliff: You know, it's quite remarkable. To float something as heavy as a wedge of lime, beer must have quite a high buoyancy factor.
Carla: So do your loafers.
Pete: Do you think an olive could float in beer?
Cliff: Yeah. Only one way to find out, my friend.
Norm: Well, I guess it doesn't. But, you know, I think maybe an orange rind, being of the citrus family and a close cousin of the lime, just might float.
Cliff: Ah! Your hypothesis has been proven correct, Dr. Peterson.
Norm: Thank you very much, Nurse Clavin.
Woody: I always wondered if a lit match would float in beer.
Norm: You always wondered that, huh, Wood?
Cliff: All right, Woodrow. Ooh.
Woody: Not only does it float, it smells like heaven.
Carla: I got one. How about his car keys?
Norm: Oh, good.
Woody: Here he comes. [Woody and Carla fish the car keys, match and assorted fruits out of Frasier's beer]
Frasier: Ahh. Now I've room enough for you, my friend. Boy, that lime really adds something.

Sam: So, this is your apartment, huh?
Rebecca: Yes, Sam. You've been here before.
Sam: Yeah, but never after our first date. You going to invite me in?
Rebecca: I don't know, should l?
Sam: I don't know, should you?
Rebecca: You're asking the wrong person. I haven't had a date here since 1986.
Sam: I definitely think you should invite me in.
Rebecca: All right, come in, but it's just for a cup of coffee.

Sam: [turns lights off] You know, I'm still amazed that you agreed to go out with me. What was it that broke you down, my charm, my hot looks, pity?
Rebecca: That last thing. [turns lights back on] My coffee maker's on the blink. ls, uh, instant OK?
Sam: Sure, sure. [turns lights off] OK if I turn on the radio?
Rebecca: [o.s.] Sure.
Man: [on radio] Are your lips cracked, dry, and bleeding? Do you have scaly red patches in your facial... [Sam switches to a music station]
If you want to be my love I will take you up...
Rebecca: You know, I was... [turns lights back on] I'm all out of instant. I don't suppose you'd be in the mood for a little hot tang?
Sam: Why don't we, uh... Why don't we just skip the beverage part and maybe dance?
Rebecca: Sam.
Sam: Oh, come on. Dancing's permitted on the first date.
Rebecca: All right, but just dancing. OK.

Rebecca: Are we still just dancing?
Sam: Yes, ma'am. Magic song.
Rebecca: Mm-hmm. I'm glad it's not the Righteous Brothers. I never did stand a chance against them.
[The Righteous Brothers "Lost That Loving Feeling" plays]
Rebecca: Did you plan that?
Sam: Right, right. I made a lot of tips this week and went out and bought a radio station... W.S.A.M.