Sam: Do you mind? I know what you're talking about. You know, it's always hard to fire people. Of course, I always give my waitresses the benefit of a severance boink.
Diane: That or the money equivalent, $1.14.
Sam: As I recall, you were always after an advance.
Diane: Oh, Sam. You're always bringing that up, trying to relive those few precious weeks with the only woman you ever dated who knew how to spell your name.
Sam: As I recall, you used to spell it E-X-T-A-S-Y.
Diane: You got the "X" right. And it's going to stay that way.
Norm: Would you two mind if we moved on to something a little more interesting than your star-crossed romance, please?
Carla: Come on, Norm. What could be more interesting than another gripping episode of "The Young and the Chestless"?

Sam: So when are you going to talk to the guy?
Norm: I don't know. I've been struggling with it all day, Sammy. I was going to tell him at lunch, you know, but we were enjoying ourselves so much, it just seemed gauche. So I thought I'd take him to a movie, you know, try to get him relaxed.
Diane: And you couldn't tell him there, either?
Norm: No, but I came awfully close at the ball game.

Billy: Thanks for the beer, Mr. Peterson. I sure have had a good time today. You sure we won't get in any trouble?
Norm: Oh, no. It's just great to get away from that old sweat shop anyway, isn't it?
Billy: Are you kidding? I love my job. The five months I've had it have been the best of my life.
Norm: Isn't that exaggerating just a little bit, Billy?
Billy: Not at all. Mr. Peterson, ever since I can remember I've dreamed of being an accountant. From the age of six I did odd jobs so I could put myself through college. Now that I have it, I feel like I've got the world at my feet. I just put a down payment on a house. Maybe it was a little more than we wanted to spend, but escrow closed today so there's no turning back now. Besides, with my wife pregnant, we're going to need the room.
Norm: Your- Your- Well, you know, my wife and I are trying to have a baby, actually.
Billy: Hey, that's great! Our kids are going to play together at the company picnic.
Norm: I don't think so, Billy. [sobs]
Billy: Why not?
Norm: Because you're fired.
Billy: I'm fired?
Norm: It's not your fault. You're history, Billy. [sniffles] It's the damn company. They're cutting back all over the place. You're a good accountant. I'm so sorry. I can't believe it. It's not fair! You're so damn young.
Billy: That's right. I am young. I've got that going for me. I'll start over. I'll find something else.
Norm: Oh, in this job market? Good luck.
Billy: There, there, Mr. Peterson. Don't you worry about me. I'll be just fine. I'm going to make you happy and proud again. Are you going to be OK? [Norm reluctantly nods] Come on, show me a big smile. Come on. Come on. Attaboy.

Phil Wagner: Excuse me. I watched you with that young man over there. And I want to tell you, I ain't ever seen anything like that.
Cliff: Hey, pal. Look, this is the 1980s. It's OK for a man to cry.
Norm: Thanks, buddy.
Cliff: Of course, you'd never catch me doing it. Maybe a manly tear or two, but never blubbering.

Cliff: That's it, I've had it! Those neighbors have pushed me too far this time.
Diane: What happened now, Clifford?
Cliff: Last night they decided to have a party. Cars parked all over the block, loud music, carousing and who knows what else. And all this on a school night. You know, I think it's high-time they found out what you get when you cross a Clavin.
Carla: Someone crossed one with a chicken and got you.

Carla: You come in here, shooting your mouth off about this guy, but you don't do anything. I think you're afraid to stand up to him.
Cliff: I'm not afraid of anything. One of these days I'm going to tell that jerk exactly what I think of him.
Carla: Oh, yeah? All right, here you go. Write him a letter.
Cliff: Oh. You don't think I will, huh? All right, "Howdy, neighbor. Please don't take this the wrong way..."
Carla: Give me that! "Howdy, neighbor"! Let me do this. "Dear vile, scurvy rat, whose existence stinks up the planet..."
Cliff: Yeah, I guess that is a bit stronger.

Carla: Now we just got to finish it off with a real doozy. Does he have any disabilities you can make fun of?
Cliff: No. Well, his wife is not particularly a handsome woman.
Carla: Good, good. "Bark hello to your wife for me. Yours in disgust." Sign that.
Cliff: I'll sign it with pleasure. And I'll mail this at my earliest convenience.
Carla: Hawk it over. It's going out in today's mail.
Cliff: Good, good. Glad to hear it.
Carla: Look, Clavin, just think of this as your ticket out of Weenietown.
Cliff: Carla, I made that trip a long time ago.
Carla: Yeah, but they threw you out at Dinkville.

Walt Twitchell: Afternoon, Sam. And how are we today?
Sam: We're fine, Walt. How are you doing?
Walt Twitchell: Well, it hasn't been an easy day, but any day I carry the US mail I count myself a lucky and useful human being.
Carla: Are all you guys like this?
Walt Twitchell: Like what?
Carla: Never mind.

Cliff: Listen, Twitch, you got a letter in that bag that I don't need to have mailed. So I'd appreciate it if I could have it back.
Walt Twitchell: Sorry.
Cliff: Hey, what do you mean "sorry"?
Walt Twitchell: Well, I can't give it back. Any letter on my person for the express purpose of...
Both: [in unison] delivery receives the same sanctity that would be afforded in any US Mail receptacle.
Cliff: Yeah, yeah, yeah. But look, this is a very personal, important matter to me.
Walt Twitchell: You know the rules.

Norm: Look at me, I'm dry as a bone.
Diane: Do you know what's happening to you, Norman? You're becoming callous and hard.
Norm: Yeah, I know. Give me the phone and a beer.
Sam: What are you doing?
Norm: Quitting. I'm calling Mr. Simpson and telling him I'm resigning. I'm going to let the bosses do their own dirty work for a change.
Diane: Good man.
Norm: [on the phone] Mr. Simpson? This is Norm Peterson, sir. We really have to have a little- Hello? He screamed and hung up. I'll try him again. [on the phone] Yes, is this Mr Simpson's secretary? Hi, this is Norm Peterson. We seem to have been- Hello? Hello?
Sam: You see what's happening here, don't you?
Norm: Yeah. This is amazing. Why don't I just give Mr. Hecht a little call? You know, it was his scheme to begin with. Why don't I tell him how good the little plan is going? [on the phone] Mr. Hecht, this is Norm Peterson. [evil laugh]