Woody: Hey, here's one. Three stars. "Tina Wilson. Fun, sexy, easy." Well, she sounds interesting.
Cliff: And you know just what to do with sweet Tina Wilson.
Woody: Have her, use her, and I'll throw her away. [dials phone]
Woman: I don't think you're going to get an answer.
Woody: Why not?
Woman: I'm sweet Tina Wilson.
Woody: Well, what would be a good time to call you?

Cliff: Oh, here's one. Oh, oh, look at this here, the ultimate one, too, huh? She's got a whole page to herself.
Norm: Yeah!
Cliff: "Desiree Harrison." Oh, look at all those stars.
Norm: Yeah, any more stars you'd have to pledge allegiance to her.

Carla: Well, seein' as how it's Gomer's night out that leaves me in charge of the bar.
Diane: Oh, not necessarily. Woody, who do you assign to take command of the bar?
Woody: Well, I don't know how to choose between the two of you.
Diane: Oh, I know, I know. We're both your friends.
Woody: No, it's not that. You ruined "one potato, two potato."

Carla: Okay, why don't we let the bar decide?
Diane: Well, that seems the fair and democratic thing to do. [clanking fork] We should each make a speech presenting our best arguments as to why we should be in charge of the bar and we'll leave it up to you. Carla, the floor is yours, and not for the first time, I might add.
Carla: If I'm elected, no way will Diane make a speech. [cheers] Whoo! Whoo!

Woody: So you're Desiree?
Desiree: Yeah.
Woody: Hi, I'm Woody. Can I get your coat?
Carla: What's she doin' here?
Cliff: That's Woody's date.
Carla: Woody's goin' out with Sam's cleaning lady?
Norm: Cleaning lady?
Carla: That's right. Sam says she's the best.

Woody: Uh, listen, ma'am, I think there's been a terrible mistake. I don't think I'm gonna be-
Beth: Hi, Woody.
Leonard: So that's what you call titian hair.
Beth: Hi, I'm Beth.
Desiree: I'm Desiree.
Beth: This is my fiance, Leonard.
Desiree: Good.

Beth: I'm sorry. But you know we couldn't have lasted. We've grown apart. We're just too different now. You're the adventurous type. I just want to settle down.
Woody: I love you, Beth.
Beth: I love you, too, Woody. Leonard's more a part of my world.
Woody: Well, maybe I could move back to Indiana.
Beth: Do you want to do that?
Woody: No.
Beth: And I could never live in Boston, so how does that leave us?
Woody: Real sad.
Beth: Yeah.
Woody: Well, I hope you get happy.
Beth: There's, uh, something I want to give you.
Woody: Oh, no, it's okay. The drinks are on me.
Beth: No. [chuckles] I meant this. [kisses Woody on the cheek] Good-bye, Woody.