Norm: [enters] Morning, Sammy.
Sam: Norm. What brings you in this time of day?
Norm: Same thing that always does.
Sam: A little early for a beer, isn't it?
Norm: So float a cornflake in it.
Sam: Beer it is.

Sam: Seriously, how come you're here this early?
Norm: Ah, my supervisor got sick. Had to go home early. So he left me in charge of the office. So I closed it. Hey, you know, I thought I'd stop by, have a few beers and figure out what to do with the day. After all, I have 24 golden hours to spend on Norm Peterson. Any suggestions?
Sam: If it was me, I'd be out there sailing. Perfect weather, the waters won't be crowded.
Norm: I get seasick, though. I don't know.
Sam: Well, you can always go to the driving range and work on your slice.
Norm: No, I don't have my clubs with me.
Sam: Well, how about checking out that gym you've been putting off joining?
Norm: I'm not in the mood for sweat, you know.
Sam: Well, you could set up that workshop in your garage.
Norm: I'd have to clean it all out first. It's a mess.
Sam: Well, Norm, you could sit here all day shooting down my ideas and drinking beer.
Norm: Wait a minute. I think we're onto something here, huh? What do you say you put a head here on this thing, and let's hear some more of those suggestions.
Sam: Let's see, how about skydiving?
Norm: Nah, mess up my hair.

Norm: What happened?
Carla: It's her. It's the Evil One.
Sam: Where? What?
Carla: Over there at table five.
Cliff: Oh, the little old lady?
Carla: Drusilla Dimeglio. She was the principal at St. Clete's School for Wayward Girls. We all hated her guts. She used to do these mean, spiteful things to us. Oh, I swore vengeance on her, but she retired before I could do anything. Now, twenty years later, there she is.
Sam: It's been twenty years. Are you sure it's her?
Carla: Well, there's one way to make absolutely sure, Sam. She has my teeth mark on her left ankle.

Diane: [on the phone] Sam, we haven't had any heat for hours. I'm freezing. You're the bartender. What can you recommend that's nice and hot?
Sam: Speaking.
Diane: Must you inject sex into even the simplest of conversations?
Sam: Well, I didn't want you to go completely without it while you were in Europe.
Diane: I want for nothing in Europe.
Sam: I'm sure that's what you're getting.

Carla: Oh, Sam, she doesn't recognize me. That means that I can take my time and work out my plan for revenge.
Sam: She did have a mark on her ankle?
Carla: Mark, schmark. It must have healed. I'm going to think of something slow and hideous.
Sam: You know, I have a suggestion for you, Carla.
Carla: What?
Sam: Do nothing.
Carla: With the body?
Sam: No, I'm telling you to turn the other cheek.
Carla: Oh, Sammy, mooning her isn't enough. I want to hurt her.

Sam: [on the phone] No, it's been crazy around here. Carla's been moping around all night 'cause none of her old school chums will back her up on this. You know, Carla, she's got so much anger bottled up, I'm afraid she's going to hurt someone. And without you here, I'm next in line.
[As Diane talks on the phone, Frasier is loudly attending to the fireplace in the ski chalet]
Diane: Sam, it would never come to that. Carla has a means of dealing with anger that's very effective. She vents it constantly in small doses to prevent a build-up that might erupt in violence. It's a technique that many hot-tempered, uneducated people evolve instinctively and though it's rather primitive, it is nearly as effective as more sophisticated techniques cultivated and employed by better-educated people with gentler tempers... Stop that, damn it. Please, darling, just until I'm finished.
Frasier: Certainly, dearest heart.
Diane: Thank you, love of my life. [on the phone] Sam, I'm sorry. What were we- What was I saying?
Sam: You don't know either? Well, we gotta have a rule around here. When you speak at least one of us has got to to be listening. Give my best to Frasier. Bye.

Norm: Going to have to read this. "Dear Mr. Clavin, this letter's the last one I will send to you. If you don't respond, I will turn the entire matter over to my attorney. l will wait one week for you to pay for or return the motel towels, ashtrays, light bulbs, door knobs and shower curtain assembly, including rod, missing from your room. Lanette Cahill."
Sam: Oh, the poor guy.
Norm: I was kind of hoping he wasn't blowing hot air this time.

Cliff: I'm warning you.
Norm: "My dearest Cliff..."
Cliff: Well, if you must.
Norm: "I want you. I want you. I want you. You are burning in my heart like..."
Larry: Like?
Norm: I can't make this out. Can you, Sam?
Sam: It's volcano.
Norm: Volcano. "I think of you at night when I go to bed and in the morning when I wake up. And I dream about you in between when I'm sleeping. Admittedly when most people dream. You're quite a man, all right. And that's for darned sure. And you satisfy every hunger that I have as a woman. Respectfully yours, Lanette Cahill."
Cliff: No, no, no. Read them the P.S. there where she talks about my sexual prowess in detail.
Norm: Can't quite make that part out, Cliffie.
Cliff: That's all right. I'll help you. This word here is gargantuan.
Norm: All right, Cliff.

Sam: You OK?
Carla: I just can't believe they didn't recognize her, Sammy. I didn't think anybody would ever be able to forget that woman.
Sam: You're gonna have to face the facts, Carla. Nobody recognized her because that's not the woman.
Carla: But, Sam...
Sam: Carla, come on. She didn't have any scars on her ankles.
Carla: Well, that doesn't mean anything. A lot of criminals have their ankles altered.
Sam: Oh, jeez.
Carla: So they can wear Bermuda shorts.

Sam: She's back there right now?
Carla: Yeah, we've been playing pool all night. We're tight, Sam.
Sam: So it is her?
Carla: Oh, yeah, it's her all right. But you know something, Sam? After I told her I how much hated her, she explained to me why she was always so tough on me and everything. She was just doing her job. And maybe I'm a better person for it. Anyway, we're pals now.
Sam: I can't believe this. I am so proud of you. Boy, this is a turning point.
Carla: Yeah.
Sam: Maybe we've seen the last of that Tasmanian devil of a waitress.
Drusilla Dimeglio: [o.s.] Hey, Carla, bring some more pretzels, too.
Carla: All right, right away.
Sam: I can't believe that's the same woman whose head you were about to shave.
Carla: Yeah, I almost went through with it, too. I mean, I came that close and I could have done it easy, Sam. I mean, she's not as young as she used to be. But I stopped. God was testing me, Sam. And I passed.
[Drusilla, with a full head of hair, walks out of the back room with a pool cue in one hand and a beer in the other.]
Drusilla Dimeglio: Hello there. Carla, come on, it's your turn.
Carla: Yeah, I'll be right with you.
[As Drusilla turns around to go into the back room, her head has been completely shaved at one side]
Carla: I didn't say I got an "A", Sammy. I just said I passed. Rack them up.