‘Suspicion’
Season 4, Episode 14 - Aired January 16, 1986
After Diane plays a prank on the guys for her psychology class, she anxiously awaits their response.
Quote from Sam
Diane: Good lord, Sam, have you been swimming laps in that cologne of yours?
Sam: No, I just dropped the bottle all over the floor in there. Another $2.50 down the drain.
Diane: Oh, the big bottle.
Quote from Carla
Diane: Is it possible that occasionally you people might spend an afternoon doing something that actually involves intelligent thought?
Sam: Like what?
Diane: I can't conceive.
Carla: And we can all breathe a sigh of relief for that.
Quote from Sam
Diane: Actually, just observing people can be very interesting. Don't you ever make up little stories about the people you see in the bar?
Sam: Nope.
Diane: Well, for example, this couple over here. What's their story?
Sam: That's a guy and a girl having a drink. Fascinating.
Diane: Come on, you can do better than that. Just use a little imagination.
Sam: Okay, that's a guy and a naked girl having a drink.
Quote from Cliff
Diane: Where did they take you, Woody?
Woody: Well, we watched the Greater Boston Women's 10K run.
Diane: I should've known.
Cliff: No, now wait a minute. Hold on there, Diane. We happen to think it's inspiring to watch a bunch of women excel in a sport from which only until recently they've been barred from competing.
Diane: Well, I'm sorry, Clifford. I guess I misjudged you.
Cliff: Besides, there wasn't a bra on the field.
Norm: It was an awfully chilly morning, if you know what I mean.
Quote from Woody
Norm: There's an easy way to figure out what this guy's up to. Somebody just go ask him.
Woody: Oh, let me. All right. I'm from the Midwest, and we have kind of a down-home charm... [jumps over the bar]... that makes people kind of open up to us. Howdy. I'm Woody Boyd from Hanover, lndiana. That's the place mat capitol of the world. My mother's name's Margaret and my father's name's Edgel. My favorite color is blue and I've saved all my baby teeth. How about you?
Irving: Go away.
Sam: What'd you find out?
Woody: I've lived kind of a dull life.
Quote from Cliff
Diane: Look, what's he doing now?
Norm: I'd say he's fixing a cigarette lighter of some sort.
Cliff: Yeah. Yeah. Perhaps to the terminally naive. Those of us in the know can spot a highly sensitive Rolleiflex espionage camera. Yep. Yeah, look, he's taking pictures of us right now.
Quote from Sam
Norm: You don't suppose this guy's with, like, the ClA or FBl or anything, do you?
Cliff: Eh, could be. Or he may be... All right, I'll say it. He may be with the KGB.
Sam: Come to think of it, this guy does kind of have a detective look about him. All right, let's go over the four things we know about him: He's been here since we opened, he's not drinking, he's not waiting for a table upstairs. Actually, that's only three. Anybody else know anything?
Diane: You're an idiot.
Sam: That would be four then.
Quote from Cliff
Norm: You know, if he's a detective, he's obviously after one of us. If it was anyone else, he would've followed them right out the door already. We're the only ones who have been here the whole time he has.
Carla: Look, I got an idea. I'm gonna go call him on the phone and distract him. Cliff, you go see what he's been writing about us, and don't get caught.
Cliff: Oh, no, don't worry about that. Even if he does, he won't get anything out of me.
Norm: You don't know anything.
Quote from Woody
[As Carla uses the payphone:]
Woody: [answers the phone] Cheers. Yeah, who may--? Who may I say is calling? [Carla slams the pay phone] Excuse me, sir, phone for you.
Irving: Who is it?
Woody: They didn't say.
Irving: Take a number.
Woody: Five. Oh, they hung up. Probably call back.
Quote from Sam
Norm: He didn't even take a phone call. This is getting weird.
Cliff: All right. Look, we gotta go to some private place and have a huddle.
Sam: All right, how about my office.
Diane: Sam, aren't you forgetting about your cologne?
Sam: Come on, would you? It's had all day to wear off. [opens the door] Okay. We'll give it a few more minutes.