Woody: Boy, looks like Sammy got his walking papers. I know how he feels.
Norm: Yeah, I think we've all been there before, Woody.
Cliff: Well, it's never happened to me, so I guess I'll just have to imagine it, huh?
Norm: Cliffie, I think you actually have to go with someone before you can get dumped.

Woody: Boy, Sam, you had a rough day today. You lost two great gals in one day.
Sam: Two?
Woody: Well, yeah, you know, I always thought that someday Miss Chambers would be Mrs Malone. That's crazy, huh?
Sam: Well, Woody, there are more where they came from.
Woody: You know, I'm glad you said that because there's this girl in my building I wish you could meet. She's really cute. She's got a great personality. She's really fun to be with, and she has got a gorgeous figure. And if I were a young single guy in this town... See you tomorrow, Sam.

Sam: [on the phone] Hi, it's-- It's me. Look I've been thinking about you. Oh, what the hell. Will you marry me?

Cliff: Oh, trouble in paradise, Norm?
Norm: No, at home, Cliffie. I just put Vera on the train to Springfield. I have to spend the next few days at home alone with her oversexed, exhibitionist sister, Donna.
Steve: You know, maybe she's an innocent kid, and you misinterpret her friendliness.
Norm: Maybe you're right. You tell me, is it normal for a girl to get dressed on the front lawn?

Cliff: Hey, Diane, I understand you're hitting the bricks in Unemployment City there along with Normie.
Diane: Oh, actually, I've found other employment.
Cliff: Oh, yeah? See that, Norm? What's the job that you landed there?
Diane: Well it's only temporary until I hear about this other job. In fact, it's so temporary I don't even bother to take my coat off when I'm there, if you get my point. I'm a [mumbles] checkout clerk at Hurley's Market.
Norm: What?
Diane: A checkout clerk at Hurley's Market. Are you deaf?
Alan: Hey, Diane, that's where I shop. Next time I come in, I'll say hi.
Diane: If you don't, I'll be angry.

Alan: What did she want, Norm?
Norm: "What did she want, Norm?" What she wanted was, she wanted me to come home early. She's making a turkey dinner, all right? And then she paused and said there'd be no dressing. Do you suppose she meant the bird or us?
Cliff: Well, either way, there's gonna be some plump, succulent thighs at that table.

Woody: Hi, Miss Chambers.
Diane: Hi, Woody.
Woody: I thought you left.
Diane: No, no, I'm waiting for Sam. I have a call to make.
Woody: Well, he's up in the restaurant. I can go get him if you want. I mean, he's probably just eating or something.
Diane: No, that's okay. Thank you. I have calls to make. Actually, Woody, I'm not really in here to make phone calls. I came back to apologize to Sam. I loathe to admit that I eavesdropped on a conversation he had with Janet the other day, and that's inexcusable. My conscience was bothering me, so I came back to confess. Thus allowing me to close this chapter in my life.
Woody: Okey-dokey.

Janet Eldridge: Sam, this is serious.
Sam: So is this.
Janet Eldridge: We have this press conference today, and I just want you to know that it's becoming increasingly difficult for me to answer questions about what our future plans are.
Sam: Why?
Janet Eldridge: Because I don't know what our future plans are.
Sam: Wait, wait, what are you saying?
Janet Eldridge: Well, this may sound a little old-fashioned, but I guess I'm asking what your intentions are toward me.
Sam: Intentions?
Janet Eldridge: Well, I mean, haven't you ever thought about you and me tying the knot?
Sam: Oh, now, you told me you didn't go in for that kinky stuff.

Diane: Excuse me.
Carla: Well, if it isn't Rebecca of Skinnybrook Farm. Shouldn't you be out collecting shopping carts?
Diane: Well, I was in the neighborhood, and I thought I'd drop by and unwind.
Carla: Sure. It just happens to be five minutes before Sam and Janet's press conference.
Diane: Oh, is that today? Mercy. Well, I'm a concerned citizen. Perhaps I'll just stick around and see what happens.

Reporter: Councillor, in view of your re-election to city council, I'd like to pose a question that I'm sure is on everybody's mind here today. How do you think the Red Sox are gonna do this season?
Janet Eldridge: Why don't I turn this over to my special consultant on this issue, Mayday Malone.
Sam: Whether the Red Sox do well or not is not the point. I think they're gonna bring a lot of money into this city, and that can do nothing but help the tax base of our fair city.
Janet Eldridge: In layman's terms, the Sox are gonna clean up this year.