Sam: Sorry about that. Uh, bar business. So, what brings you to Boston?
Susan: I'm shooting a bank commercial.
Sam: Oh, I was right! You are Susan Howe, the actress. I loved you in that two-headed movie.
Susan: Oh, which one? I did two of them. Was it the one where the head was coming out of my neck?
Sam: Uh, yeah, that's the one.
Susan: Oh, thank goodness, because the other one I am not proud of.

Carla: So, Cliff.
Cliff: Huh?
Carla: Tell me more about women.
Cliff: Well, all right here, uh... They're warm and soft, and [sighs] when they wash their cars, they're dressed in nothing but suds, a suntan and a cowboy hat. Sorry, I must have drifted away there for a second.

Sam: Boy, oh, boy, is this a moment.
Susan: Yeah, I was here on a job, and I thought I'd drop in and say hello.
Rebecca: Hello. Good-bye.
Susan: Fine, I tried. You are obviously not interested.
Rebecca: Obviously.
Sam: No, no! Wait, wait, wait a minute. Come back here. Listen, listen. You know what's happening here, you're both so excited to see each other that you're getting all tensed up here. I think what we need to do is put ourselves into a little bit of a more relaxed situation. I know this hot tub club where we can get group rates. I'm kidding, I'm kidding about that. What we should do is, we should go upstairs, and we should have lunch at Melville's. Just the three of us. What do you say? My treat.
Susan: Well, I did come here to make up.
Sam: Huh?
Rebecca: I did skip breakfast.
Sam: All right! That's the spirit! Family! That's what made this country great.

Rebecca: Sam?
Sam: Yes?
Rebecca: Why are you so desperate to see my sister and I make up? I mean, what is it to you? Is this another stupid ploy to get me into bed?
Sam: Oh, come on, Rebecca, don't be ridiculous! I'm thinking of both of you.

Sam: This is nice.
Susan: Rebecca, I can't finish my filet. Do you want the rest?
Rebecca: Why, do you want me to get fat?
Susan: Oh, come on, you have not been fat since you were 12 years old. Of course, you were the Goodyear blimp then.
Rebecca: At least when I gave my "l am an American" speech at the Flag Day assembly, I did not wet myself.
Susan: Rebecca, I was six.
Rebecca: But she did, Sam, she did.
Susan: Shut up.
Rebecca: You shut up.
Susan: No, you shut up.
Rebecca: You shut up!
Susan: No, you shut up!
Rebecca: Shut up!
Sam: This is nice.

Susan: Sam, I'm sorry you had to see that.
Sam: Well, that's okay. I don't think it was fair for Rebecca to say that you tried to steal every guy she ever got interested in. But I'm warning you right now, missy, you better not try that with me.
Susan: Oh, Rebecca's interested in you?
Sam: Are you kidding me? She's got a big old crush on me.
Susan: Well, I am glad to see she hasn't lost her good taste.
Sam: Well, that's very sweet of you to say that. More wine? This is nice. This is very nice.

Sam: Hey, everybody.
Frasier: Oh, Miss Howe, I'm Dr. Frasier Crane. My wife and I rented your film Night of the Mutants last week, and, uh, well, I was wondering, um... could I have your autograph?
Susan: Ah, sure.
Frasier: Thank you. Uh, I tell you what, just make it out to "Mother Sternin." And say, if you would, "l know where you live and I'm going to get you."

Sam: Well, um, I don't... I don't want to get in the middle of a family squabble, but your sister just asked me out.
Rebecca: She what?!
Sam: Yeah, is that the craziest thing, or what?
Rebecca: She obviously thinks that I'm attracted to you.
Sam: Oh, come on, why would she think that?
Rebecca: I don't know; did you say something?
Sam: Me? Come on, what would I have to gain by saying something like that?
Rebecca: Man, this makes me so furious! She comes out here and she says that she's sorry and she wants to make up for it, and then the second my back is turned, she comes onto the guy she thinks is my boyfriend.
Sam: If there's just something you could do to get back at her. What could we do, what could we do, what could we do?

Rebecca: Did you say that you'd go out with her?
Sam: Yeah, but I could kick myself for that.
Rebecca: That was perfect. Sit down here a second. You know how you've always wanted to go out with me?
Sam: Yeah.
Rebecca: Well, now your wish is going to come true. You break that date with my sister, and I will go out with you.
Sam: Oh. Oh, boy. That is vicious, but she asked for it.
Rebecca: And, Sam?
Sam: Yeah?
Rebecca: Thank you.
Sam: Oh, you kidding me? Come on, what are friends for?

Sam: At la- Susan.
Susan: Oh, Sam, I know you put off our date, but I just couldn't wait to see you. You're all I've been thinking about today. Is there someplace private we can go for a few minutes where I can touch you and hold you?
Sam: Um, usually I go for this stuff in a big way, but at the moment I'm in a little bit of a time jam here.
Susan: Oh, I'm so in the mood. And I am so good when I am in the mood.
Sam: Would you excuse me for a second? I got to make a quick phone call. I'll be right back.