Diane: Oh, dear. It appears Frasier has been rejected again.
Carla: That poor yutz. Even the trash only gets dumped once a week.

Frasier: Sam, I'm getting a little low. I'm also running out of beer.
Sam: Well, yeah. Maybe I can help you out on both counts here, Frasier. I'd like you to meet Candi.
Candi: Hi.
Frasier: Hi, yourself.
Candi: Anyone ever tell you you've got a cute forehead?
Frasier: Frankly, no, but I've been told I have acute anxiety. [laughs]

Cliff: I don't believe it. Frasier just turned down Candi. If it was me, I'd be making her scrambled eggs by now.
Carla: I'm sure she'd prefer that to sex.
Norm: Why do you open your mouth?
Cliff: I didn't know she was there, Norm. You know, we need to put a little bell on her.

Diane: Frasier. You have to admit you and Candi are as different as night and day. You are as different as Sam and l. Frasier, hear me out. We were, as you are, diametrically opposed personalities. Oh, at first, our differences were charming to us. I found Sam's lack of refinement and sophistication crudely provocative.
Sam: Yeah, and I liked the way her hair smelled.
Diane: I'm sure, in addition, you were excited by the intellectual vistas to which I exposed you?
Sam: No, I really think it was that conditioner.
Diane: The point I'm trying to make is that the only thing we had was a great physical relationship.
Sam: Yeah, and we had a lot of that.
Diane: But when we'd go to concerts, Sam would be bored stiff, and I'd be excited, and we'd be on totally different planes.
Sam: Yeah, but we caught the same flight once we got home and hit the old Posturepedic. [laughs]

Frasier: Where's Lilith?
Diane: Dr. Sternin was called away on an emergency.
Frasier: Well, that's all right. Anyway, I didn't much care for Lilith. Sam, do you mind if I just use your office for a moment?
Sam: Sure, sure. How come?
Frasier: I'm going to weep.

Diane: I sincerely doubt that Frasier took advantage of that young girl.
Norm: Come on, Diane. Frasier's a guy, no different from the rest of us.
Cliff: Yeah.
Carla: There's one difference. He's scored since the invention of the wheel.
Cliff: [to Norm] It doesn't have to be a big bell as long as we can hear it.

Norm: Okay, well, I would like to propose a toast, then. This is one that my father said at my wedding, and it's kind of always stuck with me. "Thank God I'm not paying for this."
Frasier: Thank you. Thank you, all.

Frasier: Look at me. I'm rumpled and loving it. Sam, I'll never be able to thank you enough for introducing me to this precious flower.
Candi: That goes double for me.
Frasier: Candi is the perfect girl for me. I got so tired of thinking and dating at the same time. But with Candi, I'm no longer "Frasier Crane, pompous intellectual." I'm "Fras, pompous madcap." And I kind of like him.

Carla: You know, you're not so dumb.
Candi: Thank you, Carla.
Carla: Frasier's not my cup of tea, but as husbands go, he could be all right. He won't hurt you, and I think he'll always be faithful. And if he isn't, who cares?
Candi: That's kind of beautiful.
Carla: Yeah.

Frasier: I think we'll be going now. Listen, I'm-- I'm sorry I snapped at you that way. It's the first time I've raised my voice to you in anger, and I promise it'll be the last.
Candi: That's too bad. I thought you were kind of sexy when you were mad.
Frasier: Really? Well, don't just sit there. Get a move on! Sam, your office is a pigsty. See to it.
Candi: Oh, Frasier.
Frasier: And you know, if we can put a man on the moon, why can't we put metal in a microwave?