Carla: Dave, this is a really good idea.
Dave: Yeah, it's pretty good, isn't it?
Carla: About time you got around to Mayday.
Dave: Well, actually, I'm really kind of excited that he agreed to do the interview. You know, John McEnroe cancelled out on me.
Carla: So Sam was your second choice?
Dave: No. Gerry Cheever's out of town with his horses.
Carla: Third?
Dave: ML Carr has laryngitis.
Carla: Fourth?
Dave: Jim Rice is out of town, and, uh, Robert Parish was last week. And Becky Bannerman, the junior high school gymnast, is on a field trip.
Carla: But Sam was the first retired guy you thought of?
Dave: No. Well...
Carla: [grabs Dave's tie] I said, Sam was the first retired guy you thought of!
Dave: The very first.
Carla: He's honored.

Sam: I'm gonna be in back, cleaning up.
Carla: That's our job, Sam.
Sam: [o.s.] It's my bar, Carla!
Diane: Listen, Carla, will you watch my customers while I'm gone, please?
Carla: Sure. I'll go over, act geeky, give 'em the wrong drinks. They'll never know you're gone.

Diane: Sam, this could be a crucial moment in your life. It is vitally important that you handle your emotions properly. The worst thing that anyone in a situation like this could do right now is to repress his feelings.
Sam: Diane, get out, please.
Diane: You need to lash out. To release yourself. Scream.
Sam: Get out!
Diane: Wonderful! All right, now, we need now to move away from brute, gut release of emotions into the more cerebral. Tell me in one sentence what you perceive to be your problem right now.
Sam: You won't leave.

Diane: Let's come back to that. Other people have been through what you're feeling. Even, in a slightly different way, myself. Would you, uh... Would you like me to share an experience from my life when I was horribly defeated and humiliated?
Sam: Diane, I don't wanna hear a lead in a high school play story.
Diane: Oh, it's not a lead in the high school play story.
Sam: Well, I don't wanna hear an "l didn't get asked out to the junior prom" story.
Diane: It's not an "l didn't get asked out to the junior prom" story.
Sam: Well, I sure as hell don't wanna hear an "l didn't get elected cheerleader" story.
Diane: OK, if you're just gonna make a big joke about it...
Sam: I hit it, didn't l?
Diane: Sam, I was terrific!

Norm: The Celtics got going pretty good, eh?
Harry: I'm sorry. I wasn't listening. I'm practicing my floating coin trick.
Norm: Pardon me?
Harry: Just a little something I do.
Norm: So it's a rigged-up coin, huh?
Harry: No, it's just a half-dollar. Look.
Norm: It's a trick or something, right? Strings, wires and stuff like that?
Harry: No wires, no strings. I just take the coin. I hold it in the air, about like that, and then I let go of it real careful, and it just stays there, it floats. It hangs there.
Norm: What am l, a goof? There's no way you can make a coin hang in the air! No way.
Harry: You got five bucks if I can't do it?
Norm: Ten! Ten bucks.
Harry: Wait. Wait. Am I being hustled here? You are gonna give me ten bucks if I cannot do it?
Norm: You're onsville, pal! Come on.
Harry: [drops coin] I couldn't do it!
Norm: No, you couldn't! [laughs]
Harry: I don't know what happened there?
Norm: I'll tell you what happened. You just got stuck with ten bucks. Coach! Coach! Who is this clown?
Coach: Which clown? Harry, please!
Sam: Harry.
Harry: Sam, I'm going. I was just playing. But whoever owns a Honda, thanks for the lift!

Sam: You're a little late, Norm. How come?
Norm: Vera dragged me down to the mortuary to arrange our funeral.
Sam: Ah, you thinking of dying, Norm?
Norm: No date circled yet, but you know Vera, she likes to plan ahead. Yeah, we're gonna get cremated.
Coach: No, kidding. What are you gonna do with the ashes?
Norm: Well, I wanted to throw them in her mother's face, but I think we're gonna have them scattered over the Adirondacks.

Harry: Coach, how about a beer?
Coach: Forget it, Harry. Now, Sam says I can't serve you. You're a flimflam.
Harry: No, it ain't for me, I'm expecting a friend.
Coach: A friend?
Harry: Yeah. He asked me to order it for him. He did. He did. In fact, he wrote it down. "One beer."
Coach: Now, wait, wait, wait. Wait one minute, Harry. One minute, Harry. Let me see that. Yeah, "one beer." Just had to make sure.
Harry: Okay.
Coach: That'll be one buck.
Harry: One buck. Let's see... Uh, I thought I had a dollar. Oh, I got a ten. You got change?
Coach: Absolutely. [gets change] Here you go.
Harry: Oh, I have a buck after all. I don't need the change. Why don't you give me my ten back.
Coach: Right. Oh... Right. Here you go.
Harry: No, Coach, I don't want to carry all these bills. Listen, give me a 20 for the whole thing. You got it.
Sam: Nobody move! Oh, come on, Coach, don't you see he's short-changing you?
Coach: Oh, no, no, Sam. He's outsmarted me before, but not this time. No way.
Sam: Coach, how much are you giving him?
Coach: 20 bucks.
Sam: How much is he giving you?
Coach: Oh... Darn you, Harry!

Dave: Everybody here wants you to do the interview.
Diane: Almost everybody.
Sam: What do you mean?
Dave: Never mind.
Sam: Excuse me. Diane, can I talk to you in the back room?
Diane: Certainly.
Sam: Thank you. [to Dave] I'll be right back. I just have to discipline an employee.
Dave: Oh, can I watch?
Sam: No!

Sam: Dave, let's do it!
Dave: Great. Give me 20 minutes. I'll bring the crew right back.
Sam: You got it. It'll give me time to slip into my shawl and blanket!

Coach: Did he take you for anything, Norm?
Norm: What did you say, Coach? I didn't hear you. I was practicing suspending this coin in mid-air.
Coach: Oh. [walks away]