Cliff Quote #583
Cliff: My friends! Thanks to my buddy Earl's amazing cold remedy, you are looking at the picture of perfect health. Every sinus cavity in my head is clear and dry. Well, not dry, but moist enough to be comfortable.
Norm: Glad you're feeling better, Cliffy.
Cliff: Eh! Thank you.
Norm: Did this, uh, particular cold... Did this start out with a funny taste up in the back of your mouth?
Cliff: Uh-oh! The old acid in the adenoids.
Carla: Scratchy throat?
Pete: Yucky coating on the tongue?
Cliff: Sounds like an epidemic. My friends, I don't want to be an alarmist, but tonight - if you live through it - is going to be the worst night in your entire lives. First, the cold sweats, the pounding headache...
Norm: Cliff, I don't want to hear this.
Cliff: Don't worry, Norm. In a few hours, your ears will be so clogged you won't be able to hear anything.
Carla: Look, Clavin, you gave us this cold, and I'm going to get you for it. You're not going to know when, but I'll be there.
Cliff: Don't worry, Carla. I'll know when. I'll hear your liquid-filled lungs wheezing a mile away.
Quote from Woody
Woody: Oh, Sam, check it out! Sheepskin covers!
Sam: What are you doing, man? Why are you buying all this vinyl cleaner, leather cleaner? I mean, sheepskin? You don't even have a car.
Woody: I know, Sam, but most of my furniture comes from the interior of cars. I've got to be careful when I shave because objects may be closer than they appear.
Quote from Frasier
Frasier: I would like to nominate as the stupidest creature on Earth the one who awakens each day to drive through gridlocked traffic, to sit in a windowless office breathing re-circulated air, then returns home and collapses into a stupor... only to do the same damn thing all over again every day until he dies.
Norm: Looking forward to that vacation, eh, Fras?
Frasier: You bet. We're going to Maui.
Quote from Coach in Love, Part 1
Cliff: Norm, it's a little known fact the word "Florida" comes from the language of the Okefenokee Indians and it means literally, "place where the old people come to sweat".
Quote from What Is... Cliff Clavin?
Alex Trebek: Cliff, it's all right, you don't have to worry. Unless you risked more than $21,600, you will be the new Jeopardy! champion. So let's take a look and see what your wager was. You bet "22,000 big ones"? Which takes you down to zero. You bet it all. Cliff, why would you do something like that?
Cliff: It's because I knew that those people had never been in my kitchen. You can ask them. Come on, Tony Curtis is still alive. Get him on the phone, go ahead, I'll pay for the call.
Alex Trebek: Isn't going to work, Cliff, sorry. Agnes, $400 is not a big total, but today it's enough to make you the new Jeopardy! champion. So congratulations.
Cliff: No, she's not! I'm the champion! I answered all those questions! You saw me, America! Write in and tell them!
Norm: Come on, Wood, if we sneak out right now, nobody will know we're with him.
Cliff: Tony Curtis, if you're out there, if you can hear me, call in, and I'll split the pot with you. Ah, for crying out loud, look... Any mail carriers out there?