Frasier Quote #396
Brenda Balzak: Frasier, how would a date with you go?
Lilith: Brenda, I find this line of inquiry sensationalistic and not at all pertinent to my thesis.
Frasier: Oh, no, that's all right, dear. I think I'd like to answer the question. Well, a date with me would, I'd say, be jolly good fun. [silence] Ironically, actually, I might add, that I used to date, actually, an old girlfriend of Sam's.
Brenda Balzak: So she preferred you to Sam.
Frasier: Oh, yes. Well, uh... That is, until she broke up with me and got engaged... To Sam. You know, I'd like to add in my defense, the woman was nuts.
Quote from Lilith
Brenda Balzak: Ladies, look, let's keep this a civilized discussion. If you have points to make, we'll take them in an orderly fashion. [a woman raises her hand] Yes.
Woman: I have a question of a more serious nature.
Lilith: Oh, good.
Woman: What does Sam look like with his shirt off?
Women: [chant] Shirt! Shirt! Shirt! Shirt! Shirt!
Brenda Balzak: Ladies, please. Let's get hold of ourselves.
Lilith: Now, this is the perfect example of what a bad boy like Sam can do to a room full of good girls like these fine women. One can't help but be attracted to his steely glance and the strength therein, to imagine the warmth of his skin pressed against ours, his arms pinning us down so we can't move. One sees his full lips and imagines what they must feel like slightly moist... Tugging at ours. Before long, one's feeling a little dizzy, and, oh, for God's sake, Sam, let the buttons fly. [lunges at Sam]
Quote from Frasier
Frasier: Excuse me, Rebecca, may I have your honest opinion about something you know, as a woman who has fatally bad taste in men? Do you think I'm a... good boy?
Rebecca: Frasier, you have to stop doing this to yourself. Why do you feel inferior to Sam just because you're good? You know, I agree with that talk-show host. Give me a comfortable pair of old ratty house slippers any day.
Frasier: So that's how it is. Now I'm a pair of ratty old house slippers. At least this afternoon, I was an old shoe. You could at least wear me outside, maybe do a little gardening.
Rebecca: Frasier, I did not mean to imply...
Frasier: You think I can't be dangerous? Is that it? You all think I'm just an old slipper? Well, am I a good boy? Would a good boy do this? I am running with scissors. I'm going swimming right after lunch. I'm leaving now. I'm going outside. I'm going to pet strange dogs, no matter where they've been. Look out, world, Frasier Crane's going to raise some hell.
Quote from Lilith
Carla: You just had a baby. When did you have time to write a book?
Lilith: Well, actually, I've been hacking away at it for years, but I was finally able to polish it off during my 15 months of pregnancy.
Frasier: Oh, yes. Took years of painstaking, high-level research. It's called "Good Girls, Bad Boys." Isn't that cute?
Lilith: That was my editor's idea. I wanted to call it "A cross-sectional study of control-group females with a tendency towards self-destruction, vis-a-vis damaging relationships with members of the opposite sex."
Woody: Oh, brother, not another one of those.
Lilith: Oh, yes, but, you see, my particular slant is that many women are drawn to men who are bad for them, those who represent danger. Then, once they outgrow that need, they're free to make the mature choice and live out their lives with upstanding, substantial men. Not unlike my Frasier-doodle.
Quote from Veggie-Boyd
Sam: These are, uh, trivia napkins. Ever since I got the bar back, I've been looking for ways to say, "Hey, thank you for patronizing me."
Frasier: Oh, Sam, I- I know you wanted to use a great big word there. I think that's marvelous, but I believe what you meant to say was, "Thank you for your patronage."
Sam: Really? What's the difference?
Frasier: Patronage means customers. Patronizing is the way one would talk to a small, dull child.
Sam: Kind of like how you're talking to me right now?
Frasier: Aren't you cute!
Quote from The Beer Is Always Greener
Lilith: Now, now. You two... Perhaps a page from Frasier's and my personal history will calm the waters. Woody, Kelly. I am Jewish and Frasier is Episcopalian. Now originally, we feared this might cause conflict in our marriage. But then we learned to compromise, even in the raising of our son, Frederick. We make sure he experiences both sides of his religious heritage.
Frasier: As usual, my darling wife is right. Frederick goes to synagogue every Friday night. He delights in hiding matzos at Passover. The family celebrates Hanukkah. Meanwhile, Christmas comes and goes without so much as a tree. Odd, really, because a Christmas tree isn't even symbolic of Christianity. But apparently it threatens Lilith's Jewish faith. Look out, everybody! A fir tree! 5,000-year-old religion and Frasier Crane's going to bring it down with a four-foot tree and some tinsel!
Quote from Rich Man, Wood Man
Sam: What the hell's wrong with him?
Frasier: Well, it's a common phenomenon, really. A young, impressionable lad, such as Woody, gets his first taste of a foreign country, and he comes back a little affected. I mean, give him a few hours, he'll be fine. You know, I remember when I came back from my first trip abroad. Oh, God, I was pompous and unbearable! Condescending to all my old friends. Of course, I wouldn't expect you fellows to understand. It's a complicated matter.