Diane: You didn't read this, did you?
Sam: Didn't have to, I lived it.
Diane: Sit down, please. "Trevor is the image of the arrested adolescent, entirely self-oriented, still intimidated by the women around him and attempting to prove himself superior to them. Through sexual conquest he can, for a time, quell his constant fears of inferiority and failure. Indeed, the idea of a nonsexual relationship is completely foreign to him. As the years pass and his physical attractiveness diminishes, he'll be doomed to a life of loneliness and despair, unable to give or receive love."
Sam: Is this really how you feel about me?
Diane: This is my clinical view of you. As a woman, I might have felt something different than I feel as an academician.
Sam: It makes my life seem so cheap and pathetic.
Diane: Sam, you're reading things into this.
Sam: Like here where it says: "His life is cheap and pathetic."

Cliff: Hey, everybody. Guess what I grew in my greenhouse?
Carla: Not another potato that looks like Richard Nixon.
Cliff: No, I learned the error of my ways there. Yeah, I guess I was pretty off the deep end then, huh? No, but this is nothing like that. Look at that. A map of the Hawaiian Islands. See the little bumps in the exact shape and formation of our 50th state. Here, Norm.
Norm: Come on, Cliff, don't make me look, please.
Cliff: Normy, Normy, this is one of nature's fascinating little mutations here.
Carla: Resting in the hands of one of her bigger ones.
Cliff: All right, no skin off my nose. I'll just put it in the bag and take it on home. [to a pair of customers] Hey, guess what's in the bag.

Sam: I'm going to prepare my lecture, here. You know, it's about time I gave something back to the sport that's given me so much.
Diane: Sam, I think you should read this after all.
Sam: Oh.
Diane: It's not what you think. Now, if you change your mind about the class coming here tonight, call me at home. I'll understand.
Sam: "The Don Juan Syndrome in Modern Culture: An Analysis of Sat-- Sate-- Sater-- Satyriasis." Oh, man, she did it. She even made my sex life boring.
Carla: And not for the first time.