Cliff: Big news, everybody. Put down your beer mugs and hold on to your barstools. Me and Ma just got a new neighbor, moved into our apartment building little guy, about a hundred years old, up from South America, thick German accent, little mustache right about here. Likes to paint. I think you know where I'm going with this.
Frasier: Sweet Lord, I'll bet I do.
Cliff: Yep, Adolf Hitler is living in my apartment building.
Norm: Cliff, I don't even know why I have to tell you this, but Hitler is dead. He died at the end of World War ll in that bunker.
Cliff: Oh, yeah, really? Were you at the bunker?
Norm: Yeah, as a matter of fact...
Frasier: Cliff, throughout the years, we've become accustomed to your... Oh, how shall I delicately put this? Uh... madness. Now, for my own peace of mind, please assure me that you're not going to march up to this man and accuse him of being der Fuhrer.
Cliff: No, my accusations won't come until after I complete my investigation. The case will be rock solid, and it'd better be. l- I've been wrong twice before, you know.

Cliff: All right. Who wants to know what Hitler watches on TV?
Norm: Cliff, I'm not gonna play this stupid game anymore. Hitler does not live in your apartment building.
Cliff: All right, from 1500 hours to 1530 hours, he watched The Flintstones.
Norm: Instead of Gilligan's Island? Well, he is a mad man.
Cliff: From 1530 hours to 1600 he watched People's Court. How ironic. At 1630 hours, he clapped off the TV and went to bed. [a man of Indian heritage enters the bar] Oh, my God, Norm! It's him. Hide me.
Norm: This is the guy you thought was Hitler?
Cliff: No, no, worse! It's my landlord, Mr. Cranston.

Carla: Oh, good, my package from Amityville has arrived.
John: Ah, Miss Tortelli. Tell me, is that a new hairdo or did someone toss a toaster in your bathtub? [chuckling] What am I saying? What would you be doing in a bathtub?
Carla: Cleaning you out of the drain.
John: Yeasty oil slick.
Carla: Bladder polyp.
John: Manwich.
Carla: Perverted goat boy.
John: Sluttish mole.
Carla: 7:00 tonight?
John: Make it 6:30.
Carla: That man is the foulest, most disgusting, hideous creature to ever walk the face of this earth, and he's all mine.