Norm: Afternoon, everybody.
All: Norm!
Sam: What's the story, Norm?
Norm: Boy meets beer. Boy drinks beer. Boy gets another beer. In this performance, the role of the boy will be played by Norm Peterson.

Norm: Going a little bit overboard here, aren't you? After all, it's just a silly little machine.
Rebecca: It's not a silly machine, Norman. It is- It is a metaphor for life. It is. Everybody gets to pull the handle, and sometimes they win, and sometimes they lose. But I always lose. I pull the handle, and I get cherry, lemon, [voice breaking] Bell!
Norm: Rebecca, has it ever occurred to you that maybe the reason you always lose is because you think you're going to lose?
Rebecca: Oh, don't give me that crap! I tried that positive thinking stuff, and I knew it wouldn't work, and sure enough, it didn't!

Rebecca: If I were you, I would be a nervous wreck. You know, I had a shot at my dream job.
Norm: Yeah?
Rebecca: And I- I did really, really well. And then it came time for me to meet the big boss, and I choked. I went in, and- and I complimented him, and then I realized, "Oh, God, I'm kissing up." So I took back the compliment, and then it looked like I was insulting him. So then I started telling jokes, and they were really bad. And then... And- And then, the next thing I knew, I was singing, "Knick knack paddy whack" song. And I was just singing and singing at the top of my lungs. And I just kept burying myself deeper and deeper. And I lost my dream job. And when I walked out of that House of Pancakes, I felt two inches tall.
Norm: Well, Rebecca, that's about the most depressing thing I've ever heard in my life.