John Allen Hill Quote #30
John: Oh, good afternoon, Miss Tortelli.
Carla: Well, if it isn't John Cougar Mellonhead.
John: Thank you for last night, Miss Tortelli.
Carla: I wasn't with you last night.
John: I know, and don't think I don't appreciate it.
Quote from Rebecca
Rebecca: Sir, here is your Scotch and soda.
Rebecca: It's all right. I have a plan, just watch this. Here you go. N- N- N- N- No. I don't need any money. I want you to take this and just think of it as a gift from me, Rebecca Howe, private citizen and in no way affiliated with this bar.
Rebecca: You see that? That's all we have to do, that's the answer. All we have to do is give everybody free alcohol and not take any money for it, and this bar can stay in business forever!
Quote from Woody
Sam: Hey, Woody, come here a second, man. Something's really bugging me.
Woody: Whatever it is, I don't know what you're talking about. 'Cause I've never lied about anything. This is Woody, remember? Company man, team player, true blue. You know, maybe if you turn that microscope on yourself, you might find some things that aren't so pretty. I can't work in this atmosphere, all this suspicion and this constant interrogation. What do you people want from me? I didn't do anything, all right? I'm telling you, I am innocent! Okay, okay. You remember three months ago, that day I called in sick?
Woody: Sam, shut up, it's my turn to talk! I- I was sick, but a couple hours later, I started feeling better, and I could've come in for half a day, but [crying] instead, I stayed home and did laundry and watched Oprah 'cause she had circus freaks on. I'm so ashamed! Oh, good, that feels better. I've been carrying that around for three months. [deep breath]
Sam: I was just gonna say your tag's sticking up on your sweater here.
Woody: Oh. Well, then forget I said anything. I was just kidding you, Sam. Just kidding you. [to Norm] I think I covered pretty well.
Quote from Loathe and Marriage
John: People, people, it's getting late. Now no one admires the sight of a beautiful young bride more than l, but the lunch rush is the lunch rush.
Sam: Say John, I... I bet you'd like to meet Carla's first husband.
John: [takes a look at Nick] Oh, my God!
Nick Tortelli: Nice to meet you. [offers his hand]
John: Please. My profession requires that I handle food.
Quote from Head Over Hill
John: Sa-am, we have a problem.
Sam: You know, I got to be honest with you, John. The way you pronounce my name really bugs me.
John: How would you like me to pronounce it?
Sam: Sam, just Sam. You try it.
Sam: All right, John, uh... What would you say if you were going to order a ham sandwich?
John: I don't eat ha-am.