Frasier: All right. Gather around, everyone. I am going to right a horrible wrong. I am going to read to you Dickens' classic, A Tale of Two Cities, and you will see just how much fun great literature can be. [all groaning] "Book the First. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times."
Norm: Hey, wait, whoa, whoa, whoa. Which was it?
Frasier: Just stay tuned, Norm.
Norm: "It was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness. It was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity."
Cliff: Boy, this Dickens guy really liked to keep his butt covered, didn't he?
Frasier: "There was a king with a large jaw, and a queen with a plain face, on the throne of England." [the guys turn around] "And... and..." "...and there was a bloodthirsty clown, who beckoned innocent children into the sewer, and swallowed them whole."
Cliff: Ah! That's a neat trick.

Frasier: You know, at the risk of sounding insensitive, I'm... I'm glad she's getting out of here. Her walking around in that wedding dress was just a tad too "Miss Havisham" for me.
Sam: Who?
Frasier: Miss Havisham. Famous character from Charles Dickens' Great Expectations. Spends the entire novel walking around in her wedding dress.
Norm: What?!
Frasier: Yes. Well, surely you know it. It's Great Expectations. Pip? Miss Havisham? Magwich? And, uh... And four pizza-loving turtles who practice martial arts in the sewer.
Norm: Oh, cowabunga, dudes!
Cliff: You know, there's a lot of people don't realize that that was a comic book first.

Frasier: As we recall from Monday's installment of A Tale of Two Cities, Sydney Carton was about to go to the guillotine and sacrifice himself.
Norm: The guillotine, slice that neck. [Cliff laughs]
Frasier: "When suddenly, an Apache attack chopper hovered above the guillotine, pumping hot lead into the crowd."
Cliff: Get them Frogs, huh?
Frasier: "As Darnay climbed into the chopper, sweat streaming from his bloodstained headband, he could be heard to mutter, 'It is a far, far better thing I do than I have ever done. It is a far, far better butt-kicking I give than I have ever butt-kicked.'"
Norm: All right. Whoa! What a book, huh?
Cliff: Yeah, that was great, great, Fras. What, uh, what are you going to read to us next?
Frasier: Well, I was thinking about, uh, David Copperfield.
Cliff: What's that about?
Frasier: Well, it's about these, uh two coppers, and this field, um... And they're found dismembered with their body parts switched.
Carla: Man! Man, that Dickens is one sick dude.