Frasier Quote #440
Frasier: I would like to nominate as the stupidest creature on Earth the one who awakens each day to drive through gridlocked traffic, to sit in a windowless office breathing re-circulated air, then returns home and collapses into a stupor... only to do the same damn thing all over again every day until he dies.
Norm: Looking forward to that vacation, eh, Fras?
Frasier: You bet. We're going to Maui.
Quote from Veggie-Boyd
Sam: These are, uh, trivia napkins. Ever since I got the bar back, I've been looking for ways to say, "Hey, thank you for patronizing me."
Frasier: Oh, Sam, I- I know you wanted to use a great big word there. I think that's marvelous, but I believe what you meant to say was, "Thank you for your patronage."
Sam: Really? What's the difference?
Frasier: Patronage means customers. Patronizing is the way one would talk to a small, dull child.
Sam: Kind of like how you're talking to me right now?
Frasier: Aren't you cute!
Quote from The Beer Is Always Greener
Lilith: Now, now. You two... Perhaps a page from Frasier's and my personal history will calm the waters. Woody, Kelly. I am Jewish and Frasier is Episcopalian. Now originally, we feared this might cause conflict in our marriage. But then we learned to compromise, even in the raising of our son, Frederick. We make sure he experiences both sides of his religious heritage.
Frasier: As usual, my darling wife is right. Frederick goes to synagogue every Friday night. He delights in hiding matzos at Passover. The family celebrates Hanukkah. Meanwhile, Christmas comes and goes without so much as a tree. Odd, really, because a Christmas tree isn't even symbolic of Christianity. But apparently it threatens Lilith's Jewish faith. Look out, everybody! A fir tree! 5,000-year-old religion and Frasier Crane's going to bring it down with a four-foot tree and some tinsel!
Quote from Rich Man, Wood Man
Sam: What the hell's wrong with him?
Frasier: Well, it's a common phenomenon, really. A young, impressionable lad, such as Woody, gets his first taste of a foreign country, and he comes back a little affected. I mean, give him a few hours, he'll be fine. You know, I remember when I came back from my first trip abroad. Oh, God, I was pompous and unbearable! Condescending to all my old friends. Of course, I wouldn't expect you fellows to understand. It's a complicated matter.
Quote from Woody
Woody: Oh, Sam, check it out! Sheepskin covers!
Sam: What are you doing, man? Why are you buying all this vinyl cleaner, leather cleaner? I mean, sheepskin? You don't even have a car.
Woody: I know, Sam, but most of my furniture comes from the interior of cars. I've got to be careful when I shave because objects may be closer than they appear.
Quote from Sam
Sam: What is it with these machines, anyway? Computers faxes, voice mail. You know, when I ran this place in the old days, I had everything I needed right up here.
Frasier: Brains, Sam?
Sam: No, good hair. Brains... [scoffs] I'm serious, you know. Good looks can open doors. Good hair blows them off their hinges.
Quote from Carla
Carla: Here you go.
Carla: Something wrong?
Man: Yes, I'll say. You didn't ask me if I needed anything else. Do you see this roll of dollar bills here?
Man: This is your tip. I've set it aside in advance. Now here's the deal. Every time you do something wrong, I take a dollar bill, see? That way, I get decent service. Understood?
Carla: Fair enough. Here's my deal for you. Every time you take away a dollar, I do this. [Carla puts her finger in the man's beer and flicks it at him]
Man: That just cost you another dollar. [Carla does it again] There, you happy? Your tip money's all gone.
Carla: That's just great. 'Cause I just got my own. [slams cash on the table and pours the beer over the man's head]
Norm: So, uh, how long is your brother going to be in town?
Carla: Two weeks.