Woody Quote #397
Quote from Woody in The Gift of the Woodi
Woody: No, no, no. You guys are way off base. I didn't think Mr. Gaines liked me either, but he just invited me to Kelly's birthday party.
Norm: Ooh, well, that's great.
Carla: Well, you know, you're going to have to get her a present, Wood.
Woody: I know, Carla. I'm prepared for this. And I'm not just giving her any present, but the gift that makes us all a little bit happier to be alive. The gift of laughter. [Sam & Norm chuckle]
Norm: How, uh, how so, Wood?
Woody: I'm giving her The Really Big Book of Dutch Humor. [laughter] See, it works.
Carla: Woody, you know, everybody at the party is going to be richer than God. If you walk in there and show them a stupid book full of tulip jokes, they're going to laugh in your face.
Woody: That's kind of the idea, Carla.
Cheers Quotes
‘The Gift of the Woodi’ Quotes
Quote from Cliff
Cliff: Eh, fine, here, go ahead and laugh. Yeah, go ahead and laugh. We'll see how funny you think this is. [laughter] Oh, as you you may have guessed, this is a hybrid cross between a rutabaga and a beet.
Sam: What are we calling it?
Cliff: Beetabaga.
Norm: Cliffie, I don't want to poke holes in this thing, or even touch it, actually, but really, I mean, how useful do you think this is going to be?
Cliff: Are you kidding, Norm? This is a perfect vegetable for kids who hate rutabagas but love beets.
Norm: Oh, and there must be, what, dozens of those, right?
Cliff: Exactly. Fills a long felt need, Norm. That's why those faceless bureaucrats in Washington are trying to steal it away from me. Which reminds me. Uh, I got an affidavit here I'd like you all to sign saying that, uh, Clifford Clavin is the inventor of the beetabaga.
Quote from Lilith
Rebecca: Lilith, I love the way you look.
Lilith: Which is it? The radiant glow of impending motherhood, or the 20 pounds of water I'm retaining in my fingers and ankles?
Rebecca: Lilith, Lilith, I love the way you dress. I admire your style. Do you think that um, you could help me develop a more business-like appearance?
Lilith: I'd love to, Rebecca. And may I say it's about time you asked. There are two approaches a woman can take in turning her look to her advantage. The first is to play upon the male sexual drive and turn yourself into an object of desire. I have opted for the second.
Rebecca: What's that?
Lilith: Scaring them stupid.
Rebecca: I like it.
Quote from Rebecca
Rebecca: I have just about had it up to here with this corporation.
Carla: Hey, everybody, here comes the broken record.
Rebecca: I get invited to my first power lunch meeting and nobody even notices me. As usual, I am just ignored. But I finally figured out why. I am just too darned attractive.
Sam: Guys really hate that.
Rebecca: You know, the problem is that everybody just sees me as a sex kitten. I hate that. I think I need to find a new role model. If only I knew one successful career woman with an image that invites no sexual appeal whatsoever.
Lilith: Another decaffeinated ice coffee, black as you can make it.