Diane: You want an excuse to blow up and let it all out so you'll feel better. And you want me to provide the excuse. Well, I'm not falling for that.
Sam: I am not gonna blow up. I just think that we're not gonna be able to lay this thing to rest until you call me a big dope. It's what's in your mind, so why don't you just say it. Get it over with, and we'll go on with our lives.
Diane: No.
Sam: Well, I really wish you would. I think it would be good for me to hear.
Diane: Well, maybe you should-
Sam: I knew it! I knew it! I knew you couldn't keep your big fat mouth shut. Oh, God, you think you know everything, don't you? In your entire life, you've never said, "I don't know," or, "I think this." Or, "In my humble opinion." Oh, no, you always just say this. And you just say that. This, that! This, that! You know, you're nuts. You are crazy. And in your twisted little mind, you probably think you're gonna make me crazy just like you made Frasier crazy, just like you make everybody crazy. But you're not gonna make me crazy. You wanna know why? I'm gonna tell you why. Are you listening? Here it comes. I don't know! And I'll tell you something else. You don't know either. Nobody knows why you're not gonna make me crazy. So stick that in your hat and smoke it. [exits] [returns in a calm mood] Thank you.
Diane: Anytime.

Sam: So, what'd you think, huh? Hundred bucks. That's not too bad, is it?
Diane: Yes, the station asked me to convey their appreciation to you for helping them out.
Sam: Oh, well, I was glad to. I mean, that's my favorite station.
Diane: It is?
Sam: Yeah, yeah. I especially like those two guys that talk about the day's events.
Diane: MacNeil, Lehrer?
Sam: Uh, no, no. Bert and Ernie. Oh, wait a minute. Unless... Maybe that's their last names.
Diane: Could be.

Cliff: So your parents wore the colours, huh?
Mrs. Brubaker: Well, I didn't follow my father into the service.
Mr. Brubaker: And Henry's in milk.
Cliff: Oh, well, that explains the lovely complexion.
Mrs. Brubaker: [giggles] Well, thank you.
Cliff: Oh, yeah, yours too. So, you know, speaking of milk, here's a little-known fact. The cow was domesticated by the Mesopotamians.
Mr. Brubaker: Oh, no.
Cliff: Yeah, that's right. In fact, it wasn't originally a milk-bearing animal. Oh, no. It was originally used as a guard animal for the Chinese emperors during the Chung King dynasty.
Mr. Brubaker: Just when you think you know an animal.
Cliff: Well, allow me to elucidate. [Norm pulls out his chair] Thank you, Norm. Get me a beer, will you? Yeah. Theory was that the intruder would step on a cowpie...