Sam: Let me see the ad. Which one is it?
Carla: Right there. Right after "speed eater seeks same."
Sam: All right, all right. "Divorced female, warm, witty and Italian in every way except fat."
Norm: Well, sounds good so far.
Sam: Yeah. "Thirty-three, 5-foot and a quarter inch, dark brown hair, brown eyes, no visible scars, tattoos or birthmarks. Seeking possible serious relationship. Note, I have six children. This is not a misprint. Six." Oh, my. I can't believe not one guy has answered this.

Sam: Oh, come on, come on back here, would you? We're just kidding now. Now we're gonna really help.
Woody: Hey, why would he write you here anyway?
Carla: Well, you think I want some sex-starved creep camped out on my doorstep? One of my neighbors might get him first.

Norm: Okay, before we start writing, I suggest we just figure out who exactly this guy is.
Sam: Well, hey, we're making him up. He can be anybody we want him to be. Doctor, ski instructor...
Norm: No, that's the point. If the guy's too fabulous, she'll be on to us in a second.
Sam: All right, it's gotta be somebody, though, who's not in her league usually.
Cliff: We could make him a postman. No, no, too much. No, no.