Norm: Who's the lovely lady Sam's talking to?
Carla: Another applicant for the waitress job.
Cliff: Eh, it isn't easy for him, probably, to find somebody to work for the wages he pays you, huh? [chuckles]
Carla: With tips I clear about 500 bucks a week, Clavin.
Cliff: That can't be right, is it?
Norm: I did her taxes.
Cliff: You mean to tell me that a Federal employee, entrusted with the most noble and vital service of our society, makes less money than some wench who serves beer to slobs on bar stools?
Norm: Makes sense to me, Cliffie. No, really, I could go up to three days or so without mail.

Lillian: Buck up, Sam. I'm sure it's all for the best. After all, you're young and not so schooled in the ways of love as l. Such a coupling could be fatal. Unfortunately, I've already had two husbands die in bed.
Sam: I'm sorry. What did they die of?
Lillian: [chuckles] You child.
Sam: Really?
Lillian: Yes, they fainted, which all my men do. But they never came to.
Sam: They fainted? You're saying that that's normal?
Lillian: Well, I don't want to gloat, but yes, it has been known.
Sam: Were these healthy guys to begin with?
Lillian: Well, they weren't athletes such as yourself, but they certainly weren't weaklings. And why do you ask?
Sam: Well, I was just thinking that maybe... No, no, you're right. You're absolutely right. Back to work.
Lillian: Yes, we must get back to work, Sam.
Sam: I don't want to beat this thing to death here, but when these guys went, were they, like, smiling?
Lillian: Ear to ear. And that was the grumpy one.

Sam: Lillian, I got a problem here. In the past I've gotten into trouble with my waitresses by getting romantically involved with them. Now, you are a fantastic waitress. I do not want to do anything to lose you.
Lillian: Don't say another word. I understand you completely.
Sam: You do?
Lillian: Of course.
Sam: Hey, thank you. I just wanted to... Well, I just wanted to get your approval first.
Lillian: Oh, Sam, how can you be so civilized when your very blood is boiling? [hugs Sam] Don't you think I haven't been feeling the same urges? Don't you think I haven't felt the same unconquerable chemistry? Don't you think denying ourselves hasn't been as treacherous for me as it has for you. That is what you meant, isn't it?
Sam: You bet. No, no, this whole thing just kind of snuck up on me, that's all.
Lillian: Well, I won't pretend this hasn't happened to me before. Spend any amount of time in a man's presence and I send out a sort of... Well, let's face it... erotic signals.