Sam: "To Whom It May Concern. Please be advised that herewith I amend my will to provide the following... As a token for their kindness, I leave the sum of $100,000 to the gang at Cheers, signed Malcolm Kramer."
Norm: Is this a joke?
Coach: Cliff, check that out. See if it's valid.
Cliff: Well, uh, I don't want to pronounce judgment too hastily, Coach, but I think there is a precedent in the case of Penoyer versus Neff, when it was found that jurisprudence is the better part of diction.
Sam: Tom, you're a lawyer, aren't you?

Carla: Okay, who's the wise guy who shoved the l.O.U. in the tip glass?
Sam: Let me see this. It's not an l.O.U. This is a bunch of writing I don't understand, is what this.
Diane: Is it in a foreign tongue?
Sam: No, no, it's English.
Diane: In your case, that qualifies.

Tom: OK, Sammy, this is it! This will satisfy the Commonwealth of Massachusetts and all we need is Kramer's signature and three witnesses and we got it.
Carla: Don't think you're gonna get a bigger cut.
Cliff: Listen. On behalf of the federal government, I think I'd better take a look at this. Oh, you misspelled Massachusetts, first of all.
Tom: What?
Cliff: Well, on the face of it, this is all prima facie non corpus interruptus anyhow. Quit wasting our time, Tom.
This guy, I don't know. Hey, what kind of lawyer are you anyway?
Tom: You wouldn't know if I told you.
Cliff: Well, try me, Raymond Burr-brain.